The big punch

[Redo]

BITS: I need some feedback from you. I am lil lost from the convo i had with my wife yesterday.

So my lawyer sent over the items that she wanted changed in the decree to wife's lawyer. The big things were visitation schedule, not agreeing for daughter's name change and asking for joing custody instead of sole custody.

wife calls up yesterday saying that she wanted to talk to me about these things. Against my better judgment, i agreed.

1: The original schedule in the decree was that i get to bring daughter for all of her school holidays each year. The reasoning was because we were 200 miles apart and making daughter travel was not good. While i did not like it, i was okay. Then i requested wife to meet me half way to exchange daughter during pickups. So then she got the schedule changed such that i now cannot bring daughter to my place for all holidays but only for some. Which means that (a) i dont get to bring her for 1st,3rd,5th weekends (b) I only get to bring her for half of her school holidays. That reduces the total time to about 20 days in a year. That was ridiculous. So my lawyer asked to change all that standard schedule. So wife got really angry on the phone.

w : "You know i always throw you a rope thinking you will be happy with it, but you always ask for more. This is how you were even in our marriage."
M : "Wife, you are saying that i can bring daughter to my place about 15-20 times a year. How can you call this fair??"
W : "Okay, what will you do when daughter has her scheduled activities on the weekends like swimming on dance classes. How are you going to explain to her. You are being selfish here as usual. Right now you are only thinking about yourself and not about daughter"

The convo we had after this is pointless because wife just kept saying how immature i am behaving thinking only about me. But i told her calmly that i would not budge on that stipulation. Wife then got really upset and started saying that i was shouting on the phone. To calm her down, i said that we both should go back and think about this some more.

Question to BITS: If the spouses stay far off, how do they handle the child's weekend's activity schedule? Do you just have to cancel those activities?. I'd love to know. One other alternative i can see is to ask her to stay in the same town as i am. Then we would not have this issue.

(2): Then she goes to the name change issue. People, my daughter's name is "E R K". 'K' is her last name(like mine). 'R' is her middle name, which is the same as wife's last name. Wife now wants to change the name to 'E K R'. This way wife and my daughter will have the same last name. I asked my wife to give me a reason for the change. She said that 'K' was harder to pronounce than 'R'. That seemed like BS reason. My wife had the last name 'K' for 11 years and she never complained.

M : "Wife i am so sorry but i will not agree to daughter's name change."

W : "Whats wrong with you. I am trying to work with you here and you keep fighting me on everything."

M : " Wife i have compromised on things with you. The change of name is where i draw the line"

W : "Lower you voice and stop screaming. Just shut up"

M : "Look if you cannot talk properly and not use word like shut-up, then this conversation is over"

Then wife just hangs up the phone....

BITS, i just dont know what to think. Am i being a hard-head in not agreeing for the name change ? I am not sure. She guilts me so much that i usually fall for it. Yesterday i did not.

Every fiber in me tells me that i am not being un-reasonable to expect to see my daughter more than what i am being offered and her last name to be the same as mine. I'd just wanted to know what you think. I am not sure i am being too harsh on my wife.

Thanks!!