First time caller...

[Telemark]

jbnati, thanks for the reply. Yes, I'm trying to be that man.Some days are better than others.

Truegritter, I have read many of your posts and have found them to be very honest and wise. Thanks for taking time to reply. I'll try to answer your comments here:

"Why did you do this?"
Why did I do...what? Snoop? Insecurity, need to know, panic...pick one. Or why did I give her my schedule? With our SS21, who is autistic, we constantly have to ensure somebody is always available to care for him when he is at our house.

"When are you going to deal with ALL your baggage?"
I may never deal with ALL my baggage, but I'm working through what has adversely impacted my marriage by reading (DB, DR), visiting this forum a lot and finding out how others deal with their baggage, counseling...I can say with all honesty I'm a better man than I was 3 months ago.

"Just to warn you some may not be so kind towards you because you were the OM in someone else's pain."
I understand that. I hope that most of the posters here can forgive my sins of the past, because beating me up over that will be of no benefit.

"What do want?"
What is important to you?"
What are you prepared to do for it if you are not guaranteed it will end up your way?"
Those are the big questions for anyone here, aren't they? And hard to answer in just a few sentences, but if I had to I would say I want a firm relationship with God; peace in my life; a partner who loves me and accepts me for who I am, not who they want me to be; and a sense of purpose.

I already know my M will probably not end up my way, and I am mentally and emotionally preparing myself for that. I told W, "I would rather see you happy but apart from me, than miserable and with me."