WAW, and a bisexual open marriage part 2

[Young at Heart]

Ok so since Saturday she has been the perfect wife.

....Except for one thing, she still logs on that adult dating site.

.....Which drives me so crazy..

.....knowing I am still competing is driving me nuts.

...it's a turn on if she sees me hit on women in front of her. (this was recently). I think I might just push that boundary this weekend. See how she likes it.

It's a risky move, but I think the jealousy will be good for her. If she gets mad I'll just tell her to consider how I feel knowing she has people interested in her.

....I'm playing is my last move before the LRT. I want to call her bluff. ....

I am unsure what I would do, if I were in your shoes. Listen to others and choose what seems best to you.

My view is that we should judge each other more by actions than by words.

My view is that someone who is acting out in an immature way is that they often do things for attention and doing something wrong is an easy way to get attention.

Be very observant when she logs onto the dating site and control your emotions so you don't give her a way to control your emotions, as she may be testing you. Just like with the languages of love, our natural inclination is to give love in the language that we want to receive it. Similarly, if jealously is her hot button, she may expect that jealousy (you seeing her on a dating website) is your hot button. Actions, not words or images.

Ultimately, it will take two to save your marriage. That means that at some point she needs to work on making the marriage work. It will probably not be all at once and probably in fits and starts with backsliding and relapses.

Sort of sounds like where you are.

As a former Nice Guy, I really want what is best for my wife, but I also understand that I can't changer her, I can only wait for her to change and then support those positive changes to reinforce that behavior.

Since with a few obvious exceptions, she is exhibiting desired behaviors, what have you been doing to make sure her new pattern of action is being reinforced? Have you been lavish in your positive reinforcement? Remember you are dealing with an adult MLC child (to a certain degree).

Again as a former Nice Guy who wants what is best for me and my wife, I wouldn't intentionally try to "hurt" my wife's feelings.

On the other hand, if jealousy is something that helps motivate my wife, then I would try to figure out a way to add that kind of role playing into our relationship in a very controlled way. In a way that if she starts to feel uncomfortable she will be able to stop things. Or if I start to not like what is happening, I can stop things.

However, that might give my wife the ability to "test" me or try to control me, which is not good. As 25 says (and you agree), it is playing with fire.

I am reacting to you comment, "...push that boundary this weekend. See how she likes it.."

I guess what I really want to tell you is don't do something to make her jealous with a negative intent. If the two of you want to explore her jealousy, do it as a positive thing you are giving to her.

As always work on your GAL, visualize what you want out of a good marriage, make plans and set measurable goals so you achieve it. Good luck.