Thanks for the info. I am going to hold off on getting a L until I get a hold of his paper work from his L (if it even exists). And I will not contact his L as he is requesting me.
I agree he has been doing all this sep./L crap while drunk. I walked my dog through town yesterday and saw my H's truck at the bar at 11am, and then when he came into my house while I was bowling to use his office -he spilt beer on the floor (I saw and smelled the carpet when I got home) and it was still wet at 10pm at night. Talk about an all day binge!!!!!
I can use the serenity many times over (had to laugh). As today, I feel so sad again. Had terrible dreams of rejection from H again last night - I am sure its from all the worry I've been doing about that stupid paper work.
I woke up to my Mom texting me that my uncle (her brother) had a stroke yesterday after his 3mile morning jog. I am so sad, he is still not responding today from the stroke and is in intensive care.
Life is such crap sometimes. I am filled with despair.
Does anyone think that I am being immature/mean by not responding to his ?'s about a D. I know if I were to talk to him that I would say: "A D would be your choice and I am learning to accept the things I can not change". Now that I know where I stand, should I just text him that the next time he asks??? Or do people think I am better off just staying Dark??? TIPPER
stay dark and do some real detachment work. You spend almost all of your time worrying about what he's doing/thinking/planning...
Please, you have to focus on your life and your future. Start now.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
After reading your comment to me earlier, I kicked myself in the bum and actually sat and watched my favorite TV show for the first time in a while, then I painted more of a painting I am doing for my friends bridal shower coming up soon. And later, I went to alanon - (we discussed the difference between being kind and being an enabler).
It helps to keep the focus on me. I cry & pity myself less that way. THanks, TIPPER
Tipper, this is all very positive. One thing that you will come to realise is that the idea that we can somehow fix them is a sign that all is not well with us. We somehow get the idea that to focus on us is selfish, whereas all we can focus on is ourselves. This doesn't mean we cannot care for or do things for others. But we actually are more effective at dealing with others when we ourselves are well and strong.
We lose a sense of self at some point in all of this, and those that remain stuck, in general, are those who do not regain this sense of self. They remain focused on getting their marriage back instead of getting themselves back. If they simply get their marriage back it will almost certainly not work because they slip back into co-dependent enabling behaviour, and the WAS will not grow, but slide back into co-dependency.
Your honest and revealing remark about self pity says it all: you are recognising that you have self pity. This is good. What has happened is very very tough. But now s your chance to do something about it, and yourself. It is a God given opportunity to grow and prosper, although it doesn't seem like that for a very long time.
You are on the road to emotional health and happiness, but like the start of any 'fitness' programme all you feel is aches and pains at first, and a sense it isn't worth it. Getting sorted emotionally takes a long time, especially if like most of us here we have a long period of enabling and co-dependency to overcome. We feel as if our happiness is tied up with this other person. It isn't, it just feels that way. When we learn to be truly happy alone, then we will have a chance at a good relationship, which paradoxically we will 'want' much less because we are healthy and whole n ourselves
Tipper, this is all very positive. One thing that you will come to realise is that the idea that we can somehow fix them is a sign that all is not well with us. We somehow get the idea that to focus on us is selfish, whereas all we can focus on is ourselves. This doesn't mean we cannot care for or do things for others. But we actually are more effective at dealing with others when we ourselves are well and strong.
We lose a sense of self at some point in all of this, and those that remain stuck, in general, are those who do not regain this sense of self. They remain focused on getting their marriage back instead of getting themselves back. If they simply get their marriage back it will almost certainly not work because they slip back into co-dependent enabling behaviour, and the WAS will not grow, but slide back into co-dependency.
Your honest and revealing remark about self pity says it all: you are recognising that you have self pity. This is good. What has happened is very very tough. But now s your chance to do something about it, and yourself. It is a God given opportunity to grow and prosper, although it doesn't seem like that for a very long time.
You are on the road to emotional health and happiness, but like the start of any 'fitness' programme all you feel is aches and pains at first, and a sense it isn't worth it. Getting sorted emotionally takes a long time, especially if like most of us here we have a long period of enabling and co-dependency to overcome. We feel as if our happiness is tied up with this other person. It isn't, it just feels that way. When we learn to be truly happy alone, then we will have a chance at a good relationship, which paradoxically we will 'want' much less because we are healthy and whole n ourselves
^^^ read this again and again. It's the truth.
As the great Christopher Robin (from Winnie the Pooh) said: "You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thanks 25, I love the whinnie the pooh quote. I need to start believing it.
Went to friends to hang out this afternoon and then took my dog for our daily walk and later went to another alanon meeting (in which we discussed having Compassion for the alcoholic since it is a disease).
H text me AGAIN tonight, but this time I was releived a bit by what he said, which was: "I am not going to open the old Jimmys tavern after all, I am struggeling with the construction business due to weather and need to stay focused".I didnt respond as usual, even though I feel it is a good choice for him to not go ahead with opening a bar (for obvious reasons).
Well, thats a wrap for today. Looking forward to my morning alanon meeting tommorow. And hopefully going to get some real progress done on the painting I am working on. TIPPER
