STBXW and I did attend a session with the therapist that saw the three children.
- I was never given the address of the therapist but found her business card in the house, which is how I was able to contact her.
- That said, STBXW said to me "IF you want to go, you can come this Wednesday at 6pm (at the time she knew I did not know where or who this person was). When I found the business card, I knew I was going to go. FYI, this happened in Jan of this year.
- While at the therapist, 1) I was upset in part because I was not told that the kids were going (note: I had ask STBXW for months that we should do this and do it together as I thought it was best for the kids. She decided to do it on her own and never consult with me) 2) The therapist's approach was very different than anything I have read or heard. For example, I asked, rather mentioned to the therapist that STBXW did not want to implement the parenting plan - The therapist comment was "well she does not have to", my response was that everything that I have read says that it is best for the children to follow a plan once it was agreed to, the therapist response was "well I do not agree".
In addition, the therapist felt that I should leave the house - I did not agree (at the time). It was at the therapy session, that I found out that apparently my son had some "dream", which is why he was angry. When I asked how he is doing...the therapist responded that she is not able to provide that info to me. When I asked the therapist that I did not feel comfortable with her seeing my son, she said I had no choice (BTW, my lawyer disagreed). I thought about forcing the issue i.e. make it a legal one; however, after much thought I did not want to further alienate my son.
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both of the other 2 have self esteem issues they feel good about themselves by dissing you.
It is not the other two it is my oldest that has the self esteem issues. The other two are fine. That said, I do realize that in order for my oldest to feel better he must continue to "diss" me. I will not tolerate it though and I suspect that he knows this. Hence he does not come over.
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You will probably have to take this at first while they get it off their chests.
I did for a long time. I walked on eggshells and did not want to upset him. I am though his father....not his friend. I will not allow him to disrespect me or the other kids. I understand that he has some anger issues to deal with but I will no longer subject myself to it. That IMO, is not healthy.
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Your son is upset with his mother I suspect, at bottom, but because he is closer to her he is blaming you. easier that way - saves having to think about the facts.
I get this...i really do. I guess the question i am trying to answer is....
Other than detaching and allowing him the room to process his anger...what else can I do. I do not want to lose him but I do understand that I am somewhat limited in how I can pull him closer.
Thank you again Beatrice.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
