Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
I just wanted to jump on here and wish everyone a Happy Mother's Day. I have spent the weekend away at my brother's for my niece's college graduation. My whole family was there and it was so much fun. Everyone missed H, especially two of my nieces who had been so close to H. The one that graduated even texted him and said she wished he had come and missed him.
When we got home today, I fully expected H to have moved all his stuff out to OW's home. Which, I have conveniently boxed up for him and put in the basement. I knew he had been here because our neighbor who was watching the dog sent me a text saying H was at the house last night. I figured it was the time H would know we were out of town and he would get his stuff. Funny thing is, he didn't take a thing, but left me a Mother's Day card. It was nothing mushy or anything, just pretty straight forward for 'someone special'. I do believe that God is working on H and I just continue to pray for him.
Blessing to everyone!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
You know we are all working on ourselves as we pray for our spouses to come out of MLC. We detatch, take care of ourselves, our children and move forward. You know though, I have struggled with finding any major issue that I contributed to the breakdown of our marriage because all H has done is blame me for his decisions, saying I made him do this or that, though I swear I have never forced my husband to do anything. I know most major decisions were discussed and compromises were made on both sides. Sometimes there were even sacrifices in order to help the other in a personal or family journey. But, finally today I realized, I too am at fault for never really confessing to my husband the times he hurt my feelings, when he disappointed me or when I was just unhappy. For the past seven months I have been infuriated and appalled the H never came and told me when he was unhappy though he never seemed that way. I too am at fault here because I did not to that either. I built up those walls of resentment unconsciously. When I was saying, it's okay, I love him and I will get over it, I was really building those walls which in turn made me a very defensive wife. Which is one of H's biggest complaints, I was so defensive.
Question now is, how do I show him I am no longer defensive??
I just love these light bulb moments, don't you??
Blessings,
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
For the past seven months I have been infuriated and appalled the H never came and told me when he was unhappy though he never seemed that way.
Amen Lorie!
I would swear my W was happy up until she found OM. She told S16 yesterday that she was unhappy for 5 years. (Sometimes she says 10 or 12.) Really? WTF?
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
I think since you are no longer defensive you just embrace the fact that you have improved yourself and let it go. If you have interactions with him maybe he will see this change in you, but if you push to show the change, it just comes off like you're pushing to get him back again, and you're SO good with giving this over to God and time and that behavior would run counter to that. So my advice is to just "be." You're doing beautifully all on your own for now.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Tad, I know!! My H waffles between the times he has been unhappy. I really believe it is the MLC craziness. I do believe H was unhappy during moments in our M, but weren't we all, and he is now using those momnents as justifications for their current actions. One day it will all come crashing down around them, because what problems they had then in their unhappiness they will carry to subsequent relationships.
Antonia, I am leaving this all in God's hands and you are right about just being. I have always subscribed to the "you can catch more bees with honey than vinegar" philosophy. I am taking my new revelations with me daily walking with forgiveness in my heart and happiness in my step everyday. I will see H this afternoon for my daughter's Theatre Banquet with those feelings. God is awesome, and shows me daily His goodness and grace for me.
Blessings to all!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Well, H did not show up for the Theatre Banquet! D16 is very disappointed. This was so important to her as she was inducted into ITS and once again H is missing out on her day to day life. I can't even say I am angry about it, just more sad for D16. This is the first time he has been a no show. I hope it isn't a predictor of the future.
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Though I have not written much, I read these boards regularly and contribute when I can. Through most of this I have been pretty okay for the most part. But for some reason, starting on Sunday, I have broken down sobbing everyday. I am feeling so alone. I have friends, but they all work and have families and don't really check in on me anymore. I go days at a time without any real adult human contact. I think I have crawled back into my shell and really am struggling to reach out to my friends. I can't really talk to my mom who just gets so angry about this whole sitch and at H. I just don't want to listen to it. I am still looking for a job and I am struggling financially. I am thankful that D16 has found a job and that will help. I am continuing to paint and prepare to put my house up for sale. Hopefully I will have a realtor come next month.
I have lost my peace this week and can't seem to find it right now. I am still praying and looking to God daily. But I feel like I am back at day one. Really, the pain is so physical and crippling at times. I am at a loss right now. I need a kick in the butt. I just want it all to stop. I want to find my dream job and a nice pace for me and D16 to live that I can afford and enjoy. All the upkeep here at the house is overwhelming at times.
Okay, maybe this journaling will help get me out of the pity party I am having!!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Our neighborhood was hit by a tornado last night. We are fine and there were no injuries. God spared my house of any major damage. H came out to the neighborhood but really only doing his job, very professional and all. H is news director at the radio station. Anywhooo I hug him and told him I loved him and just needed to say it due to the hell D16 and I just endured. He just said 'I know you do.'
He was so cold and if you knew my H before he would have been emotional. He wasn't even comforting to D16. He is so lost and not even the man I married. It is just so sad.
Again, I am thanking God we were spared and protected by God.
Blessings to everyone.
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
