I'm actually starting a thread.....of my own. I found this website back in 2007, and have silently followed along ( I guess lurking ) because my situation at the time was beyond any words that I could find. I started sooo many post but could not find the words, could not get my thoughts together, OK i was a basket case for a while.
I know I'm not unique in facing the trials and tribulations that come from marriage. It seems like i have been married for "ever ".
I feel like sandi2, long time marriage and walking way, NOT just once but several times ( except without the knowledge and wisdom ) that she carries.
I was a WAW in 2007, my Hubby filed for div. 8 days after I left, basically after him literally pushing me out door..I put him thru alot, and he has put me thru alot....after 4 years of dating ( High School ) 8 years of living together and having built a home... and 24 years of marriage. Yep,, add it up to this day 40.5 years together...and i'm 55 years young So this realtionship has been my life good or bad
I'm sorry but when I read of these 4 yr, 5 yr old marriages that are on the rocks already I just think people give up Wayyyy too easy. It's like everyting else in our disposable society, just throw it away! I realize there are some very toxic relationships out there and of cource u have to protect yourself and your family from harm.
If any of you have followed my recent posts to a few, U will realize that i am true believer in alanon. I'm not active in face to face mtgs at this time but have carried the program with me for years. This website reminds so much of the same principals, beliefs , and slogans from my Recovery program.
I'll quickly say one thing, before the thunderstorm comes in, yes the sky is getting dark... as in literally.
The ONE ( amongst others ) things that my hubby and I lost for "each other " after all these years was RESPECT! When u start treating a complete stranger better than U do your spouse, and turn to your friends and family to talk about your relationship problems instead of the one your married 2, don't expect your marriage to improve or to even last.
My hubby tells me all the time that I'm his best friend...sometimes I take that with a grain of salt..thinking to myself.."Well if this is how you treat your best friend I'd hate to be your enemy " Things are not perfect with us They never will be, but we do Love each other, we are faithful too each, I guess were a work in progress.
Thank you for listening, and fellow DB's We are all in this together...........
Ask any ?'s that U would like.....remember i was a WAW, I sometimes can almost quote what your WAW's are saying. Been there, done that.
P.S. We are still together, hubby dropped the divorce, and i moved home 6 months later. We will quietly celebrate our 28th anniversary in August..come he** and high water.
OK bye...we have a tornado warning directly south of us, and no I'm in Mich not MS or OK
I'm sorry but when I read of these 4 yr, 5 yr old marriages that are on the rocks already I just think people give up Wayyyy too easy. It's like everyting else in our disposable society, just throw it away! I realize there are some very toxic relationships out there and of cource u have to protect yourself and your family from harm.
Completely agree sunny! Not only am I saddened my my sitch, but my W's EA started after only 3 1/2 years of M. I expected to grow old with her, but now...
Originally Posted By: notsosunny
The ONE ( amongst others ) things that my hubby and I lost for "each other " after all these years was RESPECT! When u start treating a complete stranger better than U do your spouse, and turn to your friends and family to talk about your relationship problems instead of the one your married 2, don't expect your marriage to improve or to even last.
My hubby tells me all the time that I'm his best friend...sometimes I take that with a grain of salt..thinking to myself.."Well if this is how you treat your best friend I'd hate to be your enemy "
Again, other than your M length, are you sure you aren't my W? W and I used to be best friends. I know I wasn't as respectful as I should have been, either to her or myself. Still, the tone she would give me, often for the simplest things, made me feel two feet tall. I got so that I would be afraid to even talk to her and sulk away. Of course, one of W's complaints is that we don't communicate well...
Originally Posted By: notsosunny
OK bye...we have a tornado warning directly south of us, and no I'm in Mich not MS or OK
Stay safe! You can keep the storms down there...
And thanks for stopping in, it's good to hear the success stories!
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Tornado in Mich? That's almost like saying tornado in ND...
While I do not want to emphasize the "respect" thing too much, I have to agree that the "straw" in my sitch was that very point. Trying to have convo with my W over the past 5 years, only to be cut short (like two minutes into something) by phone calls from her work, her bff, her side of family, and people walking into our house (our door is always open), kids needs (read WANTS), etc.
It was always there, but either I just became less tolerant or it became more common... I can't be sure. And yes, she would be more attentive to these disruptions and share with her friends, rather than sharing with me.
Anyhow... I can appreciate that you've popped in here. What brought you here?
There are other WAS who have been here and spoken their thoughts. Did you find that you went from WAW to LBW?
In your sitch... what happened that you became a WAW? What were you running from or maybe running to?
Hi there, I hope you are safe. I am deathly afraid of severe weather so I really empathize with you.
Second, your post hit home with me, about the respect issue. I lost respect for my H about 2 years into our M and we haven't even been married 5 yet. I am currently in IC to work on my issues and have come along way.
I have a lot of respect for you and your honesty. Thanks for posting.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
Thank you all for responding to my post A quick note to Country..
I just want to tell you that you are my Hero, Iv'e gained alot of respect for you and your recent actions towards your wife during the sudden and unexpected death of her Dad. And I'm sorry for your loss. The love and attention that you give to your daughter makes me beam with pride. There are so may fathers, I won't call them Dad's that just don't care.
I know where your at in this point of your stich..I've been following, and of course we don't know what will happen in our future, but thru finding this board, and your fellow divorce busters you have gained so much. I see a stronger, wiser, more centered person. and as they say DBing is for you..and you've taken that to heart.
Keep up the good work, your wife or stbx is watching, and your baby is reaping the benefits.
JB, thanks for the concern. Just another storm..NO tornadoe but my computer went haywire there for a bit.
You asked what turned it around for me and what made me want to return to my hubby? I've really , really been thinking about that. And you know what I think he Divorce busted me..lol, without really even knowing it. I know he doesnt know of this site, he is not an avid reader, nor did he seek counciling...but he followed the advice i've seen here over and over again
1. He did not actively pursue me, beg, plead or cry He gave me the space I so desperatly wanted and needed besides being in contact for striclty business reasons ( We own and run 2 business's together )
2. He protected himself finacially, which is why he said he filed so quickly ( Eight days after I left )but remember this had been building for a long time..
3. He LET ME MISS him
4. I only moved 3 miles away to my Mom's summer home After the first 10 or 12 days I saw him almost on a daily basis. I saw a man that was hurting and confused, but He started to take better care of himself, one that stepped up to the resonsibities that I had become overwhelmed with
5. He let me miss him..........I saw that the grass wasn't greener on the other side. There was no OM, that was not one of our problems, but i realized I had taken my problems with me, and i had to work on me.. I had to become quiet and just listen, stop all the swirling emotions, and GET some much needed rest.
6. He remained my friend. We didn't bring up the " R " talks till much later. He dropped the divorce...and we are a work in progress
I dont want to give anyone any false hope..Thats just him and I, we never gave up, and I learned ALOT about myself, I needed that time alone, to think, to rest, to restore myself. So once again...He let me miss him the ole him the one that has loved me since i was a teen
Hope that helps someone out here in never never land Just dont give up until U know its time and you won't live with regrets.
Cindy: Your note about what it took to get you to come back has given me a ray of sunshine in an otherwise very dark and dreary existance. I love my W dearly, and, when our troubles over the past couple of years made me step back and reexamine our life, I realized how wrong I had been. I had neglected the only thing important to me. And now I have lost that. We both made mistakes, but we have been important to each other for two decades. It is a cruel irony that I finally re-realized what I had, but only after it was gone.
W is firmly set on D and leaving the state. She needs to do this to find her happiness, she thinks. We were on the road to recovery, I thought, before I took a major trip this spring (3 months). Now she is firm, and I am at a loss. Feel like an old shirt that has been tossed out. Not good.
I am doing my best to DB and GAL. Only hope she has time to notice.
Thanks for listening.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
W and I used to be best friends. I know I wasn't as respectful as I should have been, either to her or myself. Still, the tone she would give me, often for the simplest things, made me feel two feet tall. I got so that I would be afraid to even talk to her and sulk away. Of course, one of W's complaints is that we don't communicate well...
