18 Wheels and a Dozen Roses

[OnMyWay]

AJM80, you did great!

A couple of thoughts went through my head while reading this:

First, with regards to the OW, we've already determined he suffers from "Nice Guy Syndrome," so he will definitely have a difficult time breaking up with her, although I do believe that is what he wants to do. He's stuck and doesn't know how to handle it. However, he may suffer through with it until she gets sick of him and dumps him - as that would be an easier route for him to handle instead of being a bad guy. Truth is, she is probably sick of him, too, he just hasn't figured it out that dumping her would do both of them a favor.

Second, I was wondering what it is that keeps him from wanting to come back, keeping in mind the DB Coach mantra of "Keeping the road back well paved"? If he knows it is the right thing to do, why can't he do it?

Maybe he'll wake up and realize what he's got on the line. Maybe it'll take a few years. Maybe I'll be around, maybe not. I'm dropping the rope, right?

Being that I have 25, FaithinAK, and others on my case for loosing it right now, I think its fair to point out that this is NOT dropping the rope, as you are attaching outcome/expectations to these feelings/statements. However, you do sound closer to being content with your decisions than previously - less willing to compromise and more willing to do what you need.

Before committing to the finality of that decision, perhaps he needs a nudge. You handled this sitch well enough, perhaps next time you may get away with attaching some conditions/expectations on your sitch should you decide to stay - such as he WILL leave the OW, you two will get counseling, you will work on your R - not just for finances and the kids, but for each other and your M. You will also have to demonstrate your desire to compromise and contribute to this process - as in the failure of your M was not all his fault and you both have work to do - together.

It feels as if you are closer than ever before to getting you M back, yet also closer to the move. Perhaps you are right. Perhaps the time away on your vacation will put his future in the proper perspective. However, don't have that expectation. Just enjoy your time with your family for yourself.