Affair (continued)

[Timetotry]

ChrisW,

I don't want to bash you by any means and I do applaud that you want to save your M. I would just want to give you a perspective of a W who was cheated on but did accept H back but unfortunately I am out here now.

I wanted to know everything, which I now know was wrong but I needed that to heal. Many of times I would bring back times to try to understand why H did it to me. Many times over the past 13 years I would feel as if it may be happening again and needed validation/proof that all was ok. We had a wonderful marriage outside of that and no one would have ever expected us to be at a separation point even now.Only a few family members even know what happened then.

I just want to ask you are you ok with the need for validation for many years to come? Seriously, I forgave but never forgot and never will. I didn't want to penalize him and I hated having the need for validation but I did and couldn't hold that feeling it may be happenening again back. It killed my H which is why he says he finally burst since I accused him again and said he couldn' take it anymore. Can you? Will you? Are you prepared to prove to her if it means giving phone history, email passwords, etc forever.

Again, I applaud the desire to fix your M and its worth it if you can. Just please, from an experience perspective, please be sure you can handle the chance of an accusation say even 15 years from now. I don't want anyone to be in the sitch I am in and if I can pass any advice, I'd just want you to be able to answer that question. If you can say yes, and your W may not even need it years from now anyway, that is wonderful.

Best of luck to you both in healing from it. I truly feel for you both.