Won't stand for a broken family

[Timetotry]

So many ups and downs yet again but I am getting a bit more prepared for them (although they still are depressing).

Didn't like his one comment when he called me Sat morning by saying "Women are just drawn to puppies, he had 3 women at his cart just now. When we, I mean if we, ever get divorced, you can just borrow the dog if you want." MADE ME SICK! I didn't say anything and quickly changed the subject. Not sure if he was trying to throw me off or if he was serious. He remained upbeat (as I tried to remain too) and ascted as if it was nothing special to say. Met him at D3's game, nice as can be, carried everything for me, talked as if we were still married and all (neighbor thought the same way too). We came back, I had to goto a family party and he complemented me on what I was wearing and started flirting, etc. Said he will be waiting for me to come home, etc. Texted me, even called me several times while I was out which eventually I stopped answering, I WAS OUT GAL'ing! Came home and he stayed around for a few extra hours to make sure we had ML of which even after he wanted to kiss me and be around me. Made me think he was having a change of heart/mind.

Sunday he came over early morning, wanting to have breakfast with all of us and worked on the pool. He slipped in a 'babe' once, (amazing how I pick that up now when it was such a common word before). We just hung out as a family and he even met a new neighbor with me and talked to her about "WE" "Our" kids, house, etc. Seemed again as if he was moving ahead. Left later and was texting more. At one point he said how he misses the couch. I said "Why, you hate this couch?" He responded" Yes I did, I like it now". Still not missing "me" yet but I do know I'll be the last one!

Later on that night I asked D1 if he has written anything on his wall lately (VERY dumb move). He made a weird post at 11am Sat morning AFTER the dog phone call: “Just one day, just one I want no drama, no worries, no sorrys, just laughs and smiles…is this too much to ask for?” I was like OMG, who is creating the drama here. I never even lashed out or commented at all when he made that stinkin comment but I also thought it could be work since he has alot of pressure/drama there too. Its as if he creates this whole other world or he is trying to so that people give him sympathy I guess.

Found out Monday from H's StepMom that his half brother who he met up with late Friday nite thinks he is going thru a MLC too. He just got a degree in Human behavior and said even from what he has studied and from talking to him, he signs. Duh. He said that it seems as if he regrets leaving but doesn't know how to come back. Wish I would just hear this from H so we can start "From this day forward".

More communication on Monday and some Tuesday. Met him at D3 game last night, nothing special but we talked some. He came back to the house and worked on the pool and I just tried to stay inside. I finally came out and he asked me if I said something to my neighbor. He said that the neighbor's H asked if H was getting rid of the dog and H said he wasn't. I said "I didn't say anything, didn't think he was getting rid of the dog but we were concerned about D3's new allergies." No response and I quickly changed the subject. Not that he seemed mad but didn't seem to be in a good spot. Didn't hear from him again for the rest of the night. Ugh. Feel as if that was a step back but it was out of my control! I can't change what H processes in his mind; I can only focus on myself and let things play out.

Today he emailed asking where does D2 want to go out to eat tonight for her birthday; we are meeting him for dinner. I know this will be ok time together, just gotta try to be very upbeat even though I am very tired today.

I wonder if he is using me or really is trying; I know that is against DB'ing and detaching..can't worry about what he thinks. Its just so hard; everytime I think its going in the right direction, something brings it back down it seems.