I think tough love is in order here, like snodderly suggested. Just my opinion. But enough is enough of her cake-eating!!!
Do what your gut tells ya, your the one that has to live with your decision. What ever decision you make will be right for YOU!!!
Also, I have been learning that anytime your faced with a tough decision to stop and really think about it in depth before you react(some suggest days-weeks-months). Then, when the time is right, the decision you make will be well thought out and something you can live with for the rest of your life with out guilt. TIPPER
HI there, Thanks for the responses. I do know the answer. Doing it and turning my life upside down again is another story. This will probably mean I loose my home as well. She still owns 1/2 of it and it should have been sold by court order 3 years ago when my youngest turned 18. She wouldn't force the sale because our 2 youngest and a grandchild are still living here.
Even my youngest son, 21 in August, said to me the other day when are you going to dump mom and find a another woman.........
Loyalty, honesty, integrity, respect. It is near impossible to find anyone who understands these values and can live their life by them anymore. Am I asking to much ? DavidA
Clearly, you are asking too much of HER...but don't kid yourself and think she's representative of most women. She is NOT. You are entitled to decent treatment but you have not gotten that from her. Yet you keep repeating the same behavior, expecting different results. That's the definition of insanity. AND your own kids are learning the wrong things from you. Model the morals you speak of, like respect. Start with self respect and teach your son what that looks like. She's been out of your life for some time. If she promised you nothing, what is it she expects? Move on.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
HI there, Thanks for the responses. I do know the answer. Doing it and turning my life upside down again is another story. This will probably mean I loose my home as well. She still owns 1/2 of it and it should have been sold by court order 3 years ago when my youngest turned 18. She wouldn't force the sale because our 2 youngest and a grandchild are still living here.
Even my youngest son, 21 in August, said to me the other day when are you going to dump mom and find a another woman.........
Loyalty, honesty, integrity, respect. It is near impossible to find anyone who understands these values and can live their life by them anymore. Am I asking to much ? DavidA
Turning your life upside down? Are you serious? Do you really believe that? David, please take a look at what you said, then take a look at your situation. Buddy, you life is upside down and will be as long as she is there.
So sell the house. Get a fresh start in a new place where there is no room for her. Betcha it would be a lot easier to say NO from that new place, as well. You are doing what I have done. Caretaking. It's as if you are preserving a historic site where things were once rosy. The sooner you are out of there, the better. As for your children and grand, take them with you. Do they contribute financially?
This may sound terribly crass, but you are in a no win situation, and the sooner you are out, the better. JMHO
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
what is it that you are waiting to have happen, that would "show" you the way?
I mean, what's keeping you from moving on?
Sorry but I think you're just stuck. Inertia can be very powerful.
Only YOU can get unstuck...it's really all up to you now.
It's your life and it's shorter than you realize. Waste no more of it. Be there for your kids and show them a strong man who heals himself. IT's a tool they will need in life. Give it to them by example.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I almost think we should be helping the newer husband stay m...I mean, she left you, the divorce was not busted and she married OM...so who's divorce should we help bust up and which marriage to save?
She's merely using your house as a waystation and for the life of me, what is your question? Isn't this clear to you?
I see the question in the title but I don't believe you could possibly be counting this time as a chance at "saving" your marriage, b/c it ended years ago and another marriage came about.
Why haven't you moved on? I'm sorry if this offends, but I want you to really think about this course of action you have chosen for SEVEN YEARS... It did NOT work. And Your son is not being helped by your choices. At least not anymore
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I almost think we should be helping the newer husband stay m...I mean, she left you, the divorce was not busted and she married OM...so who's divorce should we help bust up and which marriage to save?
She's merely using your house as a waystation and for the life of me, what is your question? Isn't this clear to you?
I see the question in the title but I don't believe you could possibly be counting this time as a chance at "saving" your marriage, b/c it ended years ago and another marriage came about.
Why haven't you moved on? I'm sorry if this offends, but I want you to really think about this course of action you have chosen for SEVEN YEARS... It did NOT work. And Your son is not being helped by your choices. At least not anymore
It is so hard to not love/care for your XW, It was your spouse for a long time and its hard to let go. But every indicator here is pointing you towards doing just that. You can still love her in your heart from a distance, not in your House.
I agree it sounds like your stuck. Its not easy to get unstuck untill you take definitive action. In this case, I would say... you will most likely feel empowered and soooo much better to not have her around - despite your financial sit. and possibly losing the house, etc....
It will all work out in the end for YOU... Have Faith, and just know that you will get by one way or another. We all have faith that you CAN do this!!!! TIPPER
you will most likely feel empowered and soooo much better to not have her around
Soooo true…it is a step in the direction of healing and taking back your life. It also allows the MLCer the room and time they need. It removes some of the pressure from a sitch. Having said this, depending on the sitch. Personally, I think that she should go.
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possibly losing the house
This ^^^^ is one way to look at it OR DB101 change how you look at things. That said, are you loosing your house AND gaining peace of mind? The question would be…what is more important to YOU in YOUR life, A house, a nice car OR…..peace of mind and a happiness with yourself. The answer is different for each of us. For me…I choose peace of mind – F the house, I could also get another one later IF I CHOOSE TO.
Quote:
It will all work out in the end for YOU
It always DOES once we TRULY LET GO!
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
you're going to lose the house anyhow. It's a matter of when.
Goodness, There's nothing here to "save", except his son's respect for him and his own self respect.
She divorced him years ago.
She married someone else. She is now having marital problems with him, and is dating OM now, again...let's not get amnesia.
His son has told him to move on and this all started when the son was just 14, and is now 21...
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but it's an effort to save the rest of this guy's life. Life is short. Go get a life and some happiness.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
