A New Chapter Begins

[ericmsant2]

MHL

First off, I hope the kids are doing better!

she has never seen such a willing abandonment from a mother such as my XW

I would suspect that you XW does not feel that she has abandoned the kids. Hell my STBXW would have responded “we’ll they are with their father”.
I agree with Grit comment down there VVVV

IMO there is so much guilt wherever she turns she cannot get away from it unless she disconnects with the ones she is causing pain.

She hurts and most likely feels the best way to avoid everyone else from getting hurt is to run away and distance herself. I would suspect that it is a vicious cycle…she calls the kids, they say they miss her and do not understand her actions, she looks inside and sees her selfishness, she can’t stand the pain so she stop looking and runs.

IMO, nothing you do or say will change this. Nothing. All you can do is continue to be the parent that your kids need.

I simply told my X-MIL to tell her daughter to "Wake up", to tell her she is losing her children and causing damage that will last a lifetime or more and unfortunately will touch generations to come.

I would have said the same….do you expect that this conversation will somehow make your XW see the errors of her ways? If so, then take a look at your expectation. You may be setting yourself up to get even more pissed off when she does not respond the way YOU expect her too.

she is trying to put me back in the very role that I have fought to shed. She wants me to tell her what to do.

As the only responsible parent….right now YOU should tell her what to do! You are telling her what to do for YOUR kids….you know this. Who gives a rats as* what she thinks about. What are you concerned she may call you “controlling”. Fine…you are controlling for your kids, which is what matters here.

This is one time you can be a A-Hole if you have too.

Maybe a A-hole with class and dignity is all that I would add.

IMO, take a step back and realize what you are trying to achieve and WHY you are trying to achieve it. If your goal is to help your kids through this process, (assuming you are doing it from a healthy place) everything that can be done should be done!

I wonder if she ever will wake up but if I had to guess I would say that she never will "get it", and even if she did I don't think it is in her personality to admit it or apologize for it.

I’ll play devil’s advocate here…..didn’t she probably say/think the same thing about YOU? That YOU would never change. Well U did. So maybe MHL, she may change. I would not put it past her. In terms of an apology, one day she just may. She may have to deal with the consequences of her actions…..just like in some way you have as well... Not your problem or focus though….your kids should be the focus.

Piling on more of the same? Guilt?
She IS NOT rational and applying logic to this will fall on deaf ears.

Thanks for this post Grit.

My Daughter is doing much better.

Amen!

It is unacceptable that I cannot reach you or get a return call from you in a reasonable amount of time when it concerns the children

Not sure if this will help BUT I have temporarty court orders in place that stipulate that STBXW must return calls within 24 hrs. Maybe something you can add back into the agreement. IF she does not comply and you feel it is in the best interest of the kids to REMOVE them from her craziness, well then you may want to secure full custody.

Bottom line my friend….is you MUST and I know will, carry the responsibility of being the stable parents in your kids lives. In some ways, I can relate to how tough and frustrating it is. Guess what, life can be tough and frustrating….IF YOU ALLOW IT to be.

Be dad, be friend, be everything you can be for your kids. As for your XW – time has a way of changing people perspective and actions….maybe…in time she will look inside and change – maybe not. Either way, you must do what you need to for your kids.

Close your eyes for a second……



Breath…..



Let go….


And go continue to be that kick as* dad that you are.


FWIW, I am proud of you!

Eric