Most people who have affairs say they weren't looking for them, it just happened. Partly, that's just victim-talk (I'm not responsible, because a ton of bricks suddenly fell on me). Partly, they're trying to convey that they didn't realize that some of their needs weren't being met, so when they encountered a person as needy and confused as they were--bam, conflagration.
What made your H feel that you were miserable in the marriage? It must have been very hard on him to feel that he could not make you happy. What changes have you made to prevent those feelings from occurring again?
It's good that you now recognize that parents cannot put their children before their relationship in marriage. How would you change this dynamic if you get another chance?
During their fog, those in MLC tell themselves that their children wouldn't be harmed by divorce. They convince themselves of this to alleviate their guilt, and because their internal self-loathing makes it hard to see anything from another's perspective. Once he came out of the fog, my H once again became strongly convinced of the scarring nature of divorce upon children.
