The big punch

[25yearsmlc]

Her L will probably explain things to her. Sometimes the best thing a spouse can hear from an unreasonable one, is that the unreasonable WAS has a L b/c then they get some "reality" therapy. As you may recall, I felt your w could have been accused of abducting your child and you could have gotten full custody and or forced her to relocate, b/c your w DID deceive you when she went there and decided to stay, WITH YOUR CHILD AND WITHOUT YOU OR YOUR CONSENT....you allowed it to keep the peace and what has that gotten you? She wants her d's name changed?

Wow...Myk, I've never seen that here. This is a first. It's NOT reasonable.

You are confusing asserting your rights & DUTIES as a father, with harassing your w. They are not the same.

I almost think your w will see you in a better light if you are more assertive, but I don't care if she does. Plus, your policy of appeasement has accomplished what Chamberlain's did...more surrendering, not less.

Your d comes first, which means your R with her comes first. Stop acting in fear of your w, and putting that fear ahead of all else. It was your fear (major conflict avoidance & maybe some shame??)

that let her steal your d in the first place, and now they lives 200 miles away, and no repercussions happened...in fact, she has gotten everything she wanted and you've gotten only the scraps she tosses your way.

Myk, She will NOT 'wake up' and tell herself she's gotten all this and that she was unfair or selfish. That's a lesson she'll have to learn when consequences come her way. So far, YOU have prevented any such consequences, so why would she think SHE has been unreasonable?

Being a man of honor and strength does mean, sometimes, making waves. Oh well. You owned your issues and worked on them. Maybe too late for her, but not too late for YOU. So you face the conflicts to come, you deal with them.

Don't take the easiest path (the path of least resistance) to avoid the conflict, and then tell yourself you were trying to be peaceful or trying to do right by your d...

You'll do right by your d by having a real R with her. That means time with her. No way should you allow her name change, imo. No way.

What possible reason exists for that? The "shame" of being a child of div? Really? When did that matter to your w? It's a lie. Don't allow it. Any issue related to your child, you need to assert. In the long run I don't see how that hurst you with your w and I also, do not care if it does.

The property issues may seem like small things but I wonder...her career will pay well someday. I wonder if she fears you'll want some of it. Hey, If it's leverage that helps you with your d, so be it.

That's my take on it. I'm not always right and I don't kid myself about that. But this name change thing really bugs me. So did the abduction she got away with. Have you ever told her you could have called the cops, and then SHE would get supervised visitation at best?Does your L know all this? She needs to.