[quote=AJM80]Hi - I'm sorry your wife is selfish and dramatic.
I used to try to see the positive in everything, but that also stopped me from seeing the reality. I never allowed myself to see just how important OM was to her. I literally blocked out the obvious with positive thoughts.
Being honest with myself is really the only choice I have at this point. I need to see the stark reality and make the best life I can out of that and not false hopes and dreams.
At one point STBX had all but destroyed my self confidence and broke me down. I have done the best I can to put myself back together as a stronger person that I was before. I still have times when I feel weak, unattractive and scared, but I hope that will lessen with time.
I hope that there is lots of valuable stuff in my posts. Six years of battling for my family and ultimately losing that battle has been tough. But, if others can learn from it, than at least there is some solace for me.
Today marks 4 weeks since I have seen STBX. It's odd - I can't even really picture her in my mind. I suppose that's a good thing. On to day 8 of my most recent attempt at staying dark.
You did not lose the battle.Your wife left. Your work to stay m had value and it's clear your kids saw that. That is why they struggled so mightily to protect you.
How are you supporting THEM now that you know the truth? Are you allowing your kids to be honest with you now or do they have to keep up the facade to protect you? It must be so draining and conflicting for them.
You are in a dark place. I hope you see the light soon. Your w, if she is truly gone, has lost a lot she is not aware of. And your kids have lost a lot of their mother. Be even more available to them and reassure them that you are strong enough to thrive again, not merely survive. That way they can work on healing themselves.
Your w is with OM now. You are not the first man to have that happen. But you can model for your kids what a man of strenght and honor does when faced with a blow like this. Your kids will face something like this sometime in their lives. Teach them that their pain won't be fatal and their pain won't be eternal, because yours is neither fatal nor eternal. You will be happy again IF YOU LET GO OF THIS....
that's the first step to healing. You have to stop staring at your pain and look instead at the blessings. YES I know you think that's a panacea but you know, it's also a truth. It's a cliche b/c it's so applicable so often.
And it does help. You are in a funk. Only you can get yourself out of it. Do it for your kids if you don't feel like you are worth it yourself...in time, you will realize you still have a life ahead of you and you CAN be happy again.
You did NOT WASTE those years your kids had an intact family for that much longer. You loved them, and it showed.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
