MIL messaged me yesterday to see if I wanted to meet up for our weekly coffee meetings. As you know Ive been confused about whether to continue these meetings or not. Well finally I decided to put an end to them.
I wrote her a nice text back saying that whilst I have enjoyed and looked forward to the meetings I felt that I needed some space to think. I was mentally and physically exhausted talking about my situation with her. And I was also annoyed that everything I was saying to her in confidence was being relayed back to H. She insists that secrets are bad and its best to have everything out in the open.
I didnt receive a reply from MIL. Then got a message from H saying that MIL told him that I didnt reply to her coffee request. And he wanted to check if everything was ok? I replied that yes everything was ok and that I did reply to MIL.
I then rang MIL in the evening - she didnt answer. I left her a message to say that I did infact reply to her text and I hope that she understood what I was trying to do and why. Again MIL did not call back.
I cant believe this! I feel so betrayed. I thought that she was my friend. What was I thinking? Really annoyed today.
W - 31 H - 33 Married - 7 years Together - 10 yrs Kids - S 3yrs old Separated - 27/03/11 OW - 10/04/11
Ive gone dark. And Ive been doing alot of thinking.
MIL sent me an email the other day stating that she didnt receive my text and thanked me for the voicemail. She said that H would be moving out of her house this weekend and into an apartment she owns which is down the road from her house. She said that she thought this was for the best as H has really turned her life upside down. She worries about him all the time and he has basically dumped our dog at her house. MIL will now be taking care of our dog. She also informed me that she advised H to stay at the apartment until such time as the tenants move out of our house - Feb next year. After which she advised him to move back home to get it ready for sale. She said that she hoped in this time he would come to his senses. And maybe H and I could reconcile if that is still what I wanted.
But heres the truth - Im not sure anymore that I want to reconcile with H. Going dark has really given me alot of time to think things through. Everyone around me has told me to let him go. That I & S3 deserve so much better. I cant help but agree to some extent. Analyzing our relationship has been quite painful. H hasnt been a great husband or father for the last couple of years. And after this Im not sure that that will change? Ive read on these boards that if people get through MLC that they change for the better - but what if they dont?
Ive come to realise that I am ok without H. I am ok financially. I am ok physically. And in time I will be ok emotionally. And so Ive been wondering - why do I want a man who has cheated on me? Who has spent all our money and has racked up an enormous amount of debt? Who has lied to me for I dont really know how long for? Who thinks only of himself and has abandoned his wife and son? Why?
I dont know the answer, but Im leaning towards the thoughts that I deserve better. I deserve a man that loves me. That cares for me and my son. A man that doesnt run away when things get tough.
Over the last week Ive been very business like with H. He's mentioned things like his job interviews, his moving house & his going on holiday next weekend (im guessing with OW again). Ive ignored all of these. I just ask what time he is picking up and dropping of S3. I ignore all other text. H even asked me to have dinner with him and S3 tonight. I declined by saying Im happy for him to take S3 out.
Im questioning why im standing?
W - 31 H - 33 Married - 7 years Together - 10 yrs Kids - S 3yrs old Separated - 27/03/11 OW - 10/04/11
Good question. We all believe we deserve better. Our friends are going to point out the easy path, funny thing is many of them would be here in the same situation. Things are pretty tough.
Quote:
A man that doesnt run away when things get tough.
Or a woman, either.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Hi Jack, I see your point about running away. It just hurts so much.
Also when I saw my counsellor last week, she thought that the OW had borderline personality disorder from the information I gave her. She said that it was likely that H would be with OW for quite a long time as these types of women can be so addictive. She said that H may be even more messed up if he does come out of MLC due to the relationship with OW.
I dont know how to handle this situation?
W - 31 H - 33 Married - 7 years Together - 10 yrs Kids - S 3yrs old Separated - 27/03/11 OW - 10/04/11
So H came over last night. He text to ask me and S3 for dinner. I said it was best for him to go alone with S3 as I had stuff to do. H informed me that he got a new job with a top tier law firm. I suspect then that he will be quite busy from now onwards. Busy with his new job and busy with OW.
I could tell that he was a bit mad when he came back from spending time with S3. I think he felt rejected because I didnt go with them. But I need to spend time away from him. It causes me too much pain to be near him. I cant stand the thought that he is with OW. It pains me physically and emotionally.
Im not sure how him getting a new job will change things. Maybe this is the start to his wonderful new life? The job he's always wanted. A new woman in his life. No responsibility. More money. I should be happy for him. But Im sad. I feel like he and I are drifting apart.
W - 31 H - 33 Married - 7 years Together - 10 yrs Kids - S 3yrs old Separated - 27/03/11 OW - 10/04/11
MIL just rang. She said that she spoke to H and he told her that I rejected his offer of dinner (which I found out was her idea). H said that I made it clear to him that I had moved on and wanted nothing more to do with him.
I said to MIL that I was hurt that he was still with OW. She said that H told her that he didn't see a future with OW. That once he moves to his new job that they'll probably drift apart- yeah right!! However, MIL also said that he has not made any mention of wanting to reconcile but that she thought it would be good for us to at least be communicating. That's why she suggested the dinners.
H said to MIL that he would not ask me again. At this point I'm angry. Angry that he thinks that he's made an effort by asking me dinner. So what? Here's the facts: he is still with OW, he has not ever apologised for being with OW or spending all our money.
MIL wants to know if I've moved on so. If I have then she won't keep talking about this. I know this situation pains her too. I know she is trying her best to help.
What should I do?
W - 31 H - 33 Married - 7 years Together - 10 yrs Kids - S 3yrs old Separated - 27/03/11 OW - 10/04/11
I would tell her that appreciate that she is trying to help. But you also have to protect yourself emotionally in order to be healthy for S3. No, you have not moved on but that as long as H is not interested in reconciling and is involved with OW it is painful for you to "try" to be happy around him and that right now your are being focused on yourself and S3. To do this is to remain emotionally and mentally healthy for yourself and S3.
Blessings!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Feeling like cr$p today. I just rang H - I felt bad about rejecting him the other night. And I felt like perhaps I was being mean and I was trying to punish him in some way.
I rang and asked him if he needed any furniture or appliances for his new apartment. I did not need them as I was now living at my parents place. H said that he was fine but appreciated the fact that I offered.
Then H told me that he tried to quit his job but his current employers did not want to let him go. So he has now decided not to take new job offer. Great! That means he and OW will still be together. So annoyed right now! H talked about how much his current employers loved him and needed him and he was indispensable. Talk about an ego boost! He also talked about freedom again to come and go as he pleased.
Im so annoyed right now. Can anyone offer any words of comfort?
W - 31 H - 33 Married - 7 years Together - 10 yrs Kids - S 3yrs old Separated - 27/03/11 OW - 10/04/11
