At the end is a new beginning

[islander]

Well, I am on the road tothe big D, and I am ok. I am not scared of that anymore.

I am worried about my ability to pay my bills, but I will be ok. I have my family to help me, even though I would prefer to do this on my own. I am grateful for them.

I went and got my own checking account today. Scary, but it was necessary.

Talked to W on the phone today, not good.

We were discussing out car ins and she asked of it would be cheaper to get separate ins. I told her it downs make a difference now if we are paying our bills together. Then she said when would be a good time to separate our accounts. I told her to file for D, and we could separate everything.

Then we started arguing a out the details of the D, and who would get what. Can come to an agreement. I told her I would take the house which is 15k under, and she could assume the credit card debt which is abou 12k. Then she said she wasn't taking the debt, and she wanted the washer and dryer too, which I am not agreeing to.

Then she says she could keep the house, the same house she said she never wanted, that was too expensive, and that she would never move back into. She is crazy now.

Then unasked her about the 7k ring, and she said she wasn't giving it back, that we both bough it, and she was not going to sell it. But she wants to be fair about the bills in giving me my share. But it was ok for her to spend a bunch of money that we had saved when she went to Disney with her D.

I am so sick of this. I want it to be over. I don't want to be married to her any more. I don't even know who she is anymore, and I no longer want to either.

There was more tha was said, but those are the highlights.

[ninelives]

Sorry to hear things have turned more sour Islander. Here is where you have to stay calm and if you havent done so, time to retain an attorney. My wife and i legally separated in March and but before that, last summer she signed the papers then decided to reconcile (sort of). When that didnt work, we went full bore and became legally separated.

I think I did allright but had to stay calm through out. Remember this, It is NOT fair since she left the marriage but that doesnt matter. Our province is a NO fault province so it doesnt matter at all who did what. She is entitled to half. The only thing I would not budge on was MY pension which I kept.

Its a really good one and I simply didnt feel that she was entitled to it although , legally she was.

We havent really talked about divorce and we will cross that bridge when either of us is ready to move on to a legal relationship. If she allows him to move in with her, then I will broach the subject of divorce.

Its NOT pleasant Islander. I know its only a piece of paper but when I saw my name on the paper vs her, IDK how to explain it, it was really tough.

Hang in there but remember , NOW is the time to REALLy keep your cool. Protect yourself.

9

[~ kd ~]

That does sock, islander. Although I'm guessing the way the conversation was going, it was something you expected.

We could 2x4 you, but only you know your limit. And it's really sounding like you're hitting your limit.

Hear what 9 said. And take care of yourself right now.

[jbnati]

Sorry about all of this islander. None of this crap is much fun.

Hang in there and keep your chin up. I think you feel you are in a really good place, and that counts for a lot. It's her loss.

[BeTheMan]

Islander - I have read your posts, but have never posted on your thread before.

STBX and I have been separated for a year and a half, and will be divorced in just over a year. We still have nothing legal in place at all. I have been a "nice guy" regarding finances all the time. But this year, I started looking out for me and the kids more than before. Still, it's only money. She has taken much worse from me than that, and I allowed it.

As long as you can live comfortably when it's all over, that is all that matters. Sure, it's not what we worked so many years for, but you are only 34 years old. You have plenty of time to recover financially. The biggest recovery we can all make is in our pride, self esteem and self respect. No one can take any of that from you if you don't let them.

[JustStunned]

Islander, Marching in the rank next to you brother. I dropped off documents with the L yesterday. I'm not done, but I have delayed this stage of the process as much as I can.

For all the discussions about love, commitment, and feelings it is amazing to me how this is ending up being about how much money she can extract for the last 30yrs.

Hang in there. If you don't already have an L retain the best one you can find and afford.

[LearningPatience]

Islander,
sorry you are going through all of this. I got D from 1st W at about the same age as you, though my kids were slightly younger. The first couple of years were hard financially, but not devastating. I was able to buy a house within 2 years of the D, so the money does come back.

[islander]

Thanks for all of your support. I have been MIA a little bit, just kind of need a break. I am in relatively good spirits considering everything. I have just hit my limit. No reason to hope for a R, and at this point, I don't even want to.

The last tm she sent me tonight said something like she can't take back what has happened, we are going to get a D, and she thinks the best thing is to get it over with and move on.

I replied, I agree.

I then told her I would keep the house, washer/dryer, and take half the cc debt. She keeps the ring that we paid 5k for and is worth 7k, and the other property she already took. That was 4 hrs ago and I haven't heard anything.

I took her off runkeeper today, so she can't see my workouts and I can't see hers.

I got home from work and started moving all of her property that is still here in to he spare br at the front of the house so she can come and get it. I saw a lot of photos when I was moving her stuff and it brought ne down a little, but not to much considering.

I know she can't afford a L right now, and she wants it to be uncontested. She will just have to give in on somethings then, or hire a L.

[~ kd ~]

Islander man, I feel for you.

Now... hate to say it... and just so you know... here comes the hard part...

Hope you're ready for it.

It's gonna get a bit bumpy.

[islander]

I am as ready as I ever will be. Difficult days are ahead, but I will not make that my focus. I will focus on the great life that I will have, not my troubles now.

I talked to W on tm this morning, as she woke me up texting like crazy at 445am. Arguing about what she wants and has lost.

At one point she said how much this has hurt her too, ruining our family and what not. I said its not to late, we can still work on things and save our M. She says she thu ms it may be too hard to come back as she has done so much wrong. Can't forgive herself and yada yada.

I tell her I will not stand in the way of the D, and to really think about what she wants the D papers to state. And to think about what is right, not on just legal terms, bf she responds.

I really don't want to R at this point, and did not expect her to change her mind at this point. I just said it to cool down the convo. Of course, if she would agree to C, I would go, and k ow that even if I don't want to save the M now, that my feelings would or may change.

But honestly, I just want this to be over. I almost told her that, but I didn't figure it would do me any good, and may make the conflict bw us worse.

No 2x4s needed. I am nit tying to save this anymore. Just get through it as much as possible, and move in wo her in my life at all. She will regret this one day, and I my friends, will be happier than I ever thought I could be. This I k ow to bw the truth, and I am going to live it