You sound so very sad and confused. Not that we all haven't been there. We all have the same questions and confusions, but the answer is as you stated. We will probably never know. I don't believe the MLC'r himself can give you that answer. Yes, I believe they look back and has painful regrets, yet they are to painful to dwell upon. Happy? Probably as happy as he is capable of being, but that probably isn't saying much.
The other thing I see is that you are spending way too much time in the past. You need to look forward for yourself. Get on with your life as he has with his. In other words, don't let him catch you looking. You sound stuck, and honey that is no place to be. I know it is very hard, but as they say, if you keep doing the same things, you'll keep getting the same results.
Bust out! Do something insanely different. Paint the cat! Whatever it takes. ((HUGS))
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
