I have to rely on journaling to keep reminding myself of why I'm leaving my H. I love him and he knows how to charm, guilt and wheedle his way around my defenses. I may be villifying him more than he deserves, but I have to keep a record to recognize the patterns and remind myself why I'm putting myself through this, and why H's suffering now compares to the ages of suffring I've endured to reach the point of no return. The time will come later to let go of the anger so it doesn't fester into bitterness. For now I need it.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Remember that when the time comes to clean the slate, you need to forgive yourself as well as him. There's no shame in believing or trusting or trying to make your marriage work. --z
