You are so introspective at this point, this is good. Looking at things just as they are, not hoping, wanting to change things, just acceptance.
I find myself there also. I have given up all control regarding ex and I so appreciate this place. This place only comes with a whole lot of pain and growth. I no longer have this ache in my heart for ex. He has self-destructed and he has to find his way out of the chaos he has made.
I find myself functioning very well during the day and at night praying for him and hoping that he eventually finds that peace. I use to be hopful that he would, now I just don't see it.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
cont..... I did get a heartfelt apology from him. But since then pretty much odd texts now and then and information from the kids about his latest trip. Running seems to be my ex's way of life.
I really don't have much anger towards him anymore. I do think about all the cruel and horrific things that he has done to me but it is as if I was watching someone else go through a really bad nightmare. Sometimes I am amazed that I survived it all, and well I might add. I think he is amazed also. The absurdity of it all is sometimes very overwhelming. All the pain he has put me and kids through is overshadowed by the life he has to now live looking in the mirror. I can't imagine that.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
cont... I use to be jealous of this other woman. She was getting the life I should of had. Now I know, that God spared me having to witness the chaos and annihalation of a man I use to define as wonderful and full of integrity. Her life is pathetic and defined by his latest rage or need to put down to build himself up. He chose a victim, someone with out a lot of resources and family, one who would not abandon him no matter what he did to her. Someone as much of a shell as he is.
I have learned so much in this process. I have met so many fascinating people who are no less than heroes. Fighting to save a marriage against all odds. Showing such unconditional love toward people who have no concept of what that is.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
My kids have been amazing during the last 5 years. They might still be in a little denial about their father, but they see the oddness, the outbursts, the immaturity, the irresponsible spending. They love him, and have shown him that they will continue to love him no matter what. He is damm lucky. I hope one day he is able to love them back as much as they love him.
God Bless
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Awesome thread Trusting! Thank you for sharing! You should be very proud of yourself and all that you have become. Through all the stuggles, and heartbreak you have found the good in it all. I wish you all the best~ the old OH
Was theotherhalf XH44 M44 D19 Married 21years Together 23 Bomb 4/07 OW - MLC Seperated 8/07 DV 6/09 New Day....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
yes trusting Thank you for sharing And forward we all came about the same time I appreciate your shares None of oue xh seem to have come through the crises looking better or with real inner growth I cant see what my xh is doing as we have no contact and he has not contacted our children or his mother or sisters, but I have my thoughts about him and what his life may look like at present and they are disturbing I do not miss him-I have let it all go- My only regret is him not being able to be a father to his children-which was out of my control and seems a little unforgivable--and still not totally understanding what happened to him-the MLC I probably have some anger left, but for the most part I have moved totally on -- It was not an easy journey and continues to be some hard work raising 2 children alone with no support, financial or otherwise. Peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Your are amazing peace. I have always admired your strength.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
If I were in a different place, i w ould say X is changing some. I see that he seems to make more effort to see D. He talks to me some and there is a lot less anger. He sounds sad and lonely. He had a third operation and I feel sorry for him.
But...I am in a different place now. I would like to see X come out of MLC and be a real parent to our D and grow up, basically, but I am not sure I'd want him back. I do find that he pulls at my heart strings some because I feel bad for him. But typically, I am preoccupied with other things after that.
I read a good quotation that I like; It is not others who must change, but you.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
X continues to demonstrate more interest in D, which is good. I was shocked that he actually showed up somewhere when I suggested. But really I figured he had nothing else to do and his new woman wasn't around and he was lonely.
I guess at one time I might have seen this as progress. But I hung my heart on things and I couldn't see doing that any more.
I think I believe his MLC rants now, that he didn't really love me. I didn't want to believe them But I think I believe them now. I think I was someone he got together with because I was responsible, which meant he didn't have to be.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
