After what? After After!

[♪CS♪]

Now there is no point.

Absolutely, unfortunately that is a lesson we learn after several mistakes.

[ninelives]

Country: I dont think what you said was a convo killer. It wasnt inappropriate at all. I think you could have said anything and it may have killed the convo. ITs not the best topic in the world to strike up jovial convos after all. So dont second guess yourself about everything. YOu are doing fine but in my opinion, you may be focussing and hoping to much on the r in your own head and not GAL. Dont get me wrong, you should not be dancing and caring on after a death so soon,but I think that you are really hoping she will come around more than ever.

I could be wrong.

What have you done lately for yourself? I know you are busy with daughter etc, but just dont forget about country.

9

[♪CS♪]

but I think that you are really hoping she will come around more than ever.

You are right on 9.

It's been hard to stay detached with everything going on. We've had contact everyday, and a level of contact that has gone beyond just D.

It is hard with all of that going on not to think "what if."

The problem is as you know I don't feel like it is appropriate to pull back right now. I don't know if she is using it as support right now or not, but I just can't ignore her considering the circumstances.

So, I just need to bite my tounge and get through this. See where things go I guess.

GAL is getting better. Had my guitar lesson and I'm heading out here soon. Last weekend was good and hopefully this one will be as well.

[25yearsmlc]

Cs,

When the convos are going well but you sense it's time to end it, maybe say-

"I've got to go but thanks for calling" or "Have to get going now, but Keep me posted on things"...??? Just a thought

[♪CS♪]

Thanks 25. I do try to say similar things when I can. Other times I feel like it just doesn't make sense. What I probably can do, is take your advice, and say it earlier, before she says something that leaves me at a loss for words.

Last night I was out and W texted me. It was hard to focus on it so I was a little vague.

W was asking about the logistics for this weekend. It is her normal weekend to work, where I would have D, but this is the weekend she took Fri/Sat off to go to the coast with her mom and she is taking D with her.

Also, daycare is closed Mon for Memorial Day.

I confirmed I was off Mon, so that wouldn't be a problem.

One interesting thing, when she mentioned dropping D off on Sun she refered to it as "home.". Caught my eye. She has always said "the house.". Once, early on, I called it home, and she made a point to say "the apartment is D's home too!". Anyways...

She then asked if I would like to keep D Mon night. Like I said, I was distracted, and didn't want to committ right away, so I said "I have tentative plans, but I'll let you know.". Wish I would have thanked her for the offer, I know she is trying to make sure I don't get shorted a night with D.

She said OK, either way, she'll plan on picking D up on Mon unless my plans change.

She was very friendly with ! and throughout her texts.

I would like to offer if she would like to spend some time together Mon. Give her a chance to play with the dog or something. Just don't know if I should ask.

[~ kd ~]

Is it important to plan a play date with W on Mon, or is that something that could just be left as spontaneous?

Might be just as well or better to simply throw the offer out on Monday when she gets there.

[♪CS♪]

Might be just as well or better to simply throw the offer out on Monday when she gets there.

I was actually thinking the same thing. I think I just need to see how it plays out.

One thing though, we usually meet rather than her driving all the way to my house, or me driving all the way to hers. She lives on the other side of town and we are about 45 minutes apart.

The other thing is now she has offered I keep D on Monday night. So, I either say I have plans and she picks up D on Monday, or, I don't have plans and then there is no reason to pick her up.

Now that I think about it, not sure how to really go about it, probably not a good idea.

[♪CS♪]

W initiated the text tonight even though I had D. She asked how D was doing. A couple text and pics followed with nothing interesting to note.

Later, I asked if I could drop of a gift for her mom tomorrow when she pics D up. She said "Of course!" "That's very thoughtful of you, thanks"

She said she would call me tomorrow. Wondering if that was just said out of habit, as I doubt she calls, most likely just a text confirming the timing.

I have a very simple gift for MIL. Just a card and a framed pic of D. I think I will include some other prints I ordered as well. I thought about getting her another small thing, just can't think of what. Maybe a book, but not sure what would be a good one for her. Perhaps some of the meditation type stuff I have been reading, but IDK...

The tough part is going to be the card. I ended up just getting a blank one with a kitten on the front. She is kind of a cat freak, so I thought it was a good choice. I just couldn't find anything with words that fit in this unusual situation. A big "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" just doesn't seem to fit.

I don't know how much to say about death of FIL, but I cannot completely ignore it either.

I've had a lot of thoughts in my head on what to say, I'll just have to start putting stuff on paper tomorrow. One of my 180's should be not to procrastinate on these things so much...

[25yearsmlc]

for the card, maybe something about the coming year being a better one, or a year of "healing", recovering, growth, etc.

IDK but while you can't ignore her h's death and you could say something about his passing being a loss b/c of who he was to her, yet it IS a milestone in HER life and so, I guess you ought to try and steer it forward with some hope...??

Like one clause for him/past, and the next clause for the coming year. Just a thought.

[notsosunny]

Country I posted to U on my thread. lol I'll get this right eventually.