Words get in the way

[angel61]

Thank you Cyrena for the warning! Those fairy tales do have a hidden meaning.... I will think of myself as the princess. Even the kissing the frog and the beauty and the beast have the same message : Love them in their ugliest, meanest form, knowing that inside them they will someday wake up and be your prince.....

I do see those struggles in my H, even if he does not speak. His eyes tell it all.

I have never seen him stare at me with hate, but he turns away from me, he does not look at me at times. Sometimes I have the feeling he is testing me, trying to see if I am expecting too much, if I am being what he says controlling, or if I would cross him. A flash of anger every now and then when I do things he does not like. But he has developed more patience too, things which would have pissed hm before seem to be more tolerated now. Then I would sometimes see him looking so sad. There are times when he prays that he is so intense, other times when he seems hopeless. I sometimes feel so much pity for him, because I know he is hurting, and probably at this point, even more than I am. I find myself happier now, having fun, just being thankful for everything again.

I hope that once he starts on his extreme swings I will not be pulled back into the drama. Maybe right now I am in the eye of the storm..... but this is a much deserved and needed respite, time to get ready for the other side. Knowing though that other people have passed this way before makes me confident I can do it too.