The big punch

[Redo]

Thanks SF. Yea i definitely need to use this as a positive reinforcement. I really need to give it all i can.

[Redo]

Just did a skype videocall with daughter. Apparently wife got a webcam last week. I did not even know this until i told her that i was planning to buy the ipod touch to do facetime.

Looks like wife already did skype calls with her friends and daughter's friends. For a moment my mind went to feeling that wife did not even mention about the webcam. She knew how badly i wanted to see daughter because i kept asking for photos. But i drove it out. I need to learn to start accepting what i can get and live with it. I happy that now i can skype and that is all that matters. I am so very happy to have seen my daughter. Cant wait to see her on saturday !

[Redo]

Just uncovered a bomb provision in the draft decree. Wife in the beginning talked about changing daughter's last name. At that time i was too distraught and agreed. I did not think she would go through with it. Just found the provision in the decree that even daughter's last name would be changed. Right now i have no intention of daughter's last name being changed. Just informed my lawyer that this needs to be removed from the decree. Looks like my wife is intent on erasing me from daughter's life.

[ninelives]

Sorry to hear that Karma. She really seems like she is hellbent on not playing fair. Stick to your guns man. Be fair and upfront and roll with the punches . Its hard to lose when you are the honorable one in all this.


9

[Redo]

Journalling....

Sorry, no updates over the weekend. Tried to stay away from rethinking about this whole mess over the weekend.

Visited my daughter this saturday. It was great!. We had a great time. We did little things, but she loved it all. She even loved the toddler cycle i got her. I am really glad i did this. I am already on schedule to see her again on June-11th to take her to her first swimming class.

In a way this was also good for wife and me. Hard to describe, but i feel that face to face meetings are very different from those on the phone. Our conversations were, for lack of a better word, calm. At one point we were discussing about general stuff like Oprah's last show, Arnold's mess etc. It felt really good. Like old times. But it also felt horrible as to why then are we doing this to ourselves.

Wife wanted me to come inside the house and look at daughter's stuff from school. Her new toys. Daughter also wanted me to feed her. Earlier before the trip i got various advice as to how i should make it more like a business trip, not go inside the house etc. Personally i felt like i should go inside for daughter's sake. So i did it. Went inside, fed daughter lunch and later dinner. Played with her with her toys.

At some point she even asked about the ring. I still wear my ring. I told her that i did not plan on taking it off.
She even thanked me for coming and asked me to take care of myself. I dunno. I could be crazy for feeling happy when says small stuff. But i am happy that she did.

Before visiting i was nervous as to how things might go. Now i feel much better and am looking forward to my next visit. Not just to see my daughter, but to see wife.

But i guess it was back to business on sunday. Lawyer had sent me the draft of the letter for amendments to the decree. I know that most of them will irritate my wife, but all of them are fair. So i told my lawyer to send the letter over. Have to see what wife says now.

[LITB]

I'm glad to hear your weekend went well and that you got to see your daughter.

[Redo]

Thanks LITB !!

[Redo]

Journaling...

Its funny how different people perceive relationships. Met a mutual friend during work for lunch. He knows about my situation. During the whole time at lunch, he kept telling me how i must start tightening the nut on my wife regarding the divorce. Like forcing my wife stay within the same county as me (right now she is 210 miles away). That i should fight every tiny issue. His reasoning is that only then wife will realize that this divorce is not a cake walk that she is imagining. He scared the hell outta me.

I dunno. While i agree in principle on what he's saying, I dont agree with him on the details on what needs to be done. Yup, i did not really a geographic restriction on where my wife could stay. For most of the details, i have been pretty accommodating. I feel that there's no point in forcing her to stay close to me using the law. She'll just end up resenting me more. Because funnily right now itself she feels that she has given me so much rope and that i keep asking for more. She has opted to change our daughter's name. How can that be anything close to her giving me more rope. I guess i'll need to correctly process all the advice i've been given, decide what aligns with my mentality and my principles and follow them. Making my wife suffer so that she can realize is definitely against my principles.

I'll just wait on what wife responds to my lawyer's draft on decree amendments.

[♪CS♪]

Karma, my first reaction is that I agree with your friend.

I actually do not have a reason to worry right now, but I know that one thing I will make SURE is in the D agreement is that W cannot take D away any sort of distance.

It has nothing to do with whether this will make W come back, pull away or something inbetween.

It has to do with my rights as a father and my committement to my D.

That i should fight every tiny issue

This is NOT a tiny issue.

Making my wife suffer so that she can realize is definitely against my principles.

It's not about making your W suffer. It is about giving your D her father in her day to day life. It is about giving YOU your D in YOUR day to day life.

She'll just end up resenting me more

I don't know if this is true or not. But I say "though sh!t."

[Redo]

CS: Yea, i think i can agree on what you are saying. I need to first correct that there's no geographical restriction. My lawyer put in that wife needs to stay in counties that are between dallas and austin along the highway. I guess i meant to say that i did not require wife to stay near/within austin. She has family and lot of support in dallas. So i figured that even daughter would benefit from that support if she stays in dallas area. But yup, that would certainly put a crimp on my interaction with my daughter. Not sure how resolve that yet.

But yup, after taking lots of 2x4's from you guys and 25, I am now fighting back on lot of the stuff that i let go earlier. I guess it is because i now have a lawyer. Definitely a big thanks to all you BITS