When my H was companionable or wanted to talk, I always followed his lead (whereas, if he began to criticize the children, etc, I'd just leave the room). I listened to him and validated him, but generally didn't tell him much about my life, as it didn't feel right sharing with someone who was not being my friend, and he wasn't ready to listen. I felt love and compassion for him, but let him control the speed of reconnection. We did ML when he initiated, but I reminded myself that I was chosing to do this--since he was not connecting emotionally during it.
I know what you mean about being observed and judged. As my H's counsellor said, they compare you to the OW, deliberately making her the "good guy" and you the "bad guy" to justify themselves (and twisting things to do so)--but it's a part of building their fantasy, and won't last once they choose to end the EA. My H would sometimes stare at me with hate-filled eyes; really, it was a reflection of his self-loathing.
You'll find it becomes easier to live without expectations of what he'll say or do. This morning he was satisfied when you didn't say anything about the lack of breakfast. One day he'll realize that you've become so self-sufficient and uncomplaining that he'll start to panic that you don't need him any more--and start checking what's going on with you.
Keep on living for you--you are becoming stronger all the time.
