WAW, and a bisexual open marriage part 2

[Young at Heart]

I had a chance to sleep on some of the comments to this thread and found myself confused, but wanting to comment.

It might be because I am old, haven’t been to a strip club in a while or I have an unusual definition of “cheating” and “sex.” I have two adult children, who are good responsible adults. I have seen them and their friends filled with hormones doing silly things, but they all still turned out to be good responsible people.

From what I read, GB and his wife went to a strip club, then went home and ML to each other.

Not sure if GB’s wife at the strip club enjoyed being a voyeur, being an exhibitionist, being an object of attention among the male patrons and female workers, became jealous when someone else teased her husband, enjoyed the forbidden aspects of flirting and rubbing up against another woman, or enjoyed being in the company of her “dangerous Alpha-male husband. Not enough information to know what was running through GB’s wife’s mind.

Also I doubt that there was any genital to genital, oral/genital contact at the strip club. I also doubt that there was any direct skin to genital contact at the club (but I could be wrong and have been in the past).

I guess that I am liberal (libertine) enough and old enough to think that there is a thick grey line when it comes to titillation. I am also a little surprised how GB’s experience was characterized as cheating and having sex with a stranger (which is why I am posting this). I am sure it is not the kind of thing that GB would want to relate to his grandchildren in 40 years, but not horrific in my mind.

Specifically….

GB….”we both went drinking and for the first time she said she'd be willing to explore WITH me. So we went to a strip club together and actually had a lot of fun. We ml afterwards, and the next day things were pretty good.”

MrBond…”If your W wants to do her thing with as many partners as she wants, that's her deal. What about you? …In the end, the idea of her having sex with other people, even with you there, is going to make you paranoid.”

25…”this "cheating WITH you there", MIGHT delay but will ultimately trigger, the eventual break up of your m.”


To me, cheating in a marriage is not a “black and white” hard line unless you pass certain points (emotional attachment, genital/genital sex or oral/genital sex)and even then their might be some (very few) extenuating circumstances.

I also feel that the path to “adultery” is a slippery slope that becomes easier to justify once you start taking little steps in that direction. That is perhaps my biggest concern with GB’s situation is that he and his wife have started down a slippery slope. If this is why the reactions were so strong, then I understand.

The strip clubs I have frequented a few times in the past seem to involve a lot more viewing naked women, flirting /talking with scantily clad women than dens of iniquity were hard core sex takes place. There are strip clubs where JH’s BJ’s and intercourse occur, but I think they are the exception rather than the rule and something that I was never aware of. There are others on this forum who have a lot more knowledge and experience with this topic than I do, so I may be naive in my beliefs and will defer to others more knowlegable.

More common (in my opinion) are expensive tease-sessions by women who are carefully emptying a man’s wallet or trying to kill time until a regular client arrives. Sometimes the women will rub themselves against their customer to the point of their customer’s climax, but more often they are there to tease, talk or flirt.

Considering the kind of “dirty dancing” common in high schools and colleges, the lap dances or couch dances (a form of “dry humping” with the exception of money changing hands) isn’t all that different from what happens most weekends at school dances.

Now unless I am really wrong in my understanding of strip clubs and modern culture, I don’t see GB and his wife’s strip club adventure as being real supportive to their marriage, but I also don’t see it as initiating adultery, having sex with strangers, etc.

I do see it as MrBond has said getting an addictive emotional fix (probably more for the wife than GB). I also see it as 25 has said as being the start of a slippery slope that could ultimately break up GB’s marriage (GB & his wife really need to figure out what his wife experienced and how to deal with such emotions by her in the future – which is why I think counseling is very important).

Am I missing something?

Today sign me confused and naive