Yes, it is hard when your H is at home. I remember how incredibly lonely I felt, eating and going to bed with someone who "wasn't there" emotionally. It was so difficult to stay upbeat and unaffected by his mood swings when there was nowhere to hide. I'd save up laundry, vacuuming, etc, to distract myself while he was home and not being companionable. (Other times he was eager to watch movies, etc, together.)
One of the lessons the spouses of MLCers need to learn is, we're not responsible for the moods of others. Nor should our own moods be tied in to changes in our spouse's (or children's, or friends'...) moods. Becoming responsible ONLY for our own feelings and learning not to be reactive to the feelings of others is one of the greatest gifts of MLC survival. It's great that you're finding yourself making headway on this.
My H also went though a period where after he gave up the OW and went through a horrific withdrawal, he then resumed contact with her--AND tried to be a good father, husband, etc. It was a period of hoping he'd never have to decide between us, of thinking he could always have both of us in his life and therefore feel great about himself because he wouldn't have to hurt either of us with a definite rejection from his life.
I think he would have tried to make this situation go on as long as possible, but finally his counsellor insisted he had to come to a decision. That was when the hard work began and he began to face his issues, and finally emerged ready to begin Piecing. I suppose a gradual withdrawal from one's addiction might work for some MLCers, but I don't believe my H could have done it without his counsellor's advice, encouragement, and explanations to him regarding the entire withdrawal process.
