I have been using the LRT for a couple of weeks now, 1 week whilst W was at home, and this week since W has left. In hindsight I wish I had received db/dr sooner to put the LRT into practice and do some 180's. Looking back now there were signs from W once I had started this, i.e. asking where I had been, who I was with, why was I so happy etc, but never took much notice. I thought it was just her trying to be friendly and amicable, and didn't think there was much I could do anyhow this late as she was renting from Friday. Again looking at the signs and how she was I think it impacted on my W quite a lot, especially accusing me of meeting up with someone else!
I visited one of our friends on Tue evening (W's friend and husband really) and they didn't know half of the story (supporting my thinking that she was portraying things to friends but showing something different). They said that when there saw her on Sunday (1 day after moving into her rental) and she looked like death warmed up, W told them it was down to the move (but she didn't move anything) but friends knew better, this also supports what I saw last week in her. Friends couldn't believe how happy and positive I seemed, as well as looking really good and stated that it was clear I knew what I wanted, what had gone wrong and realised quite a lot, but stated they feel that W was somewhere completely different. Part of the conversation was acting well, but a lot of it was actually how I fell and some realisations I had made. Friends told me that W had said she thought I was meeting up with an old friend who had been commenting on my fb posts which I mentioned in a previous post (I haven't though) which I felt was a strange thing to tell them. She didn't tell them she had gone out for drinks with someone though, which they couldn't believe and immediately said that the way she was acting indicated a MLC.
She text me twice on Sat on her second day of moving asking what time I would be back, but I didn't respond to either text, as I though they were just fishing. I dropped the rope last Wednesday night and have not spoken to her since, and she has not contacted me either (Except the 2 text on Sat), but she is a stubborn so and so, so I expected this. I am trying to give her space and time to realise things and for me too, but it is very hard indeed..
I am thinking of giving it another week without contact then contacting her next Friday just to say the following, "hi, I only have a couple of minutes as I am going into a meeting, but there is a festival in August at x, I knew its something that would interest you, anyway got to go, hope all is well, bye! So I am not engaging in any sort of conversation, and says quite a lot if you read into it. What are people thoughts on this, or should I go dark for longer.
As previously mentioned she was a fb addict, but since last Friday NOTHING, she has not posted a single thing. Whilst W doesn't have internet she can go onto fb on her phone, and used to do. I have seen her pop up on fb a few times every day this week, which I think is to see what I am up to. W has deleted all of my friends who she was also friends with be left me on there! I have posted new pictures of me (looking good) and posting funny comments and posts, and posted comments to indicate I am getting on with my life with signing into places to show I am going out etc.
I do not know what else I can do now, do I go dark for longer or initiate contact as above? I have to drop the kids off at her rental on Sat evening, but I am not planning to see her, just drop the kids off, make sure they are OK then leave without the W seeing me.
W must be finding me going dark as strange, as I am a "fixer" and it is usually me who does the chasing, mending, fixing etc.
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
W decided to come and pick kids up instead, and asked if I had 5 mins. She ended up staying half hour, but only as I said I had to go out and needed to get going, otherwise she may of stayed longer.
W wanted to talk to me to see how I was, she said I looked good and had lost a lot of weight, so I returned the compliment. Then W asked if I was seeing someone! as she could see I was happier and had been looking at my fb status and posts. I said I wasnt, and I think she didn't believe me. She said it didn't matter but W kept on. I said I was staying away tonight, so W again brought up the woman mentioned before, asking if I was going there and where did she live etc. I told her I had no idea and I hadn't seen her.
I asked nothing but she started to tell me about her work and where she had been etc, W asked what I had been upto.
I didn't talk about R or M or the future, she mentioned about the equity in the house for 6 months time, which I replied that that was a way off yet and why did she mention that, W said it what I had said a few weeks back that was why.
Other general chit chat, that was about it.
Quite a strange conversation really, maybe going dark is doing it. W is bringing kids back Wed, W thought it was Thur, but this is actually better for her as she has a very early start on Thur. So we shall see how things go on Wed!
I do love her, but I do not want to be with her if its the R we had before, that was not good and I was very unhappy. I would like a new better one with W, but I will be GAL no matter what.
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
W also said she had a royal mail slip though the door meaning she had to sign for something, and asked if it was a letter from my solicitor/lawyer, which I said it was nothing from me, and it may be her broadband router.
W also mentioned about not posting anything on fb as she didn't feel it wad right to, which I thanked her for and said some of her previous posts were a little insensitive.
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
After the convo on Sat and going dark for a week and a half I thought I would test the water with something else yesterday.
I left W a voicemail just saying that I had a minute and wanted to let her know that x festival was being held in x in Aug, and I knew it was something that interested her. That was it, didn't ask anything else. She obviously didn't pick this message up as within half hour she had called me back saying she missed my call (I let it go to voicemail) then sent me a text saying the same. Then an hour later she sent me an email saying that she had missed my call and asked if anything was wrong. I waited 6 hrs then replied sounding very upbeat, saying hi, no nothing wrong, all is good thanks then repeated my voicemail message. She replied back by email straight away saying, and quote "Hi, ohh thanks for that! Had a busy but good day!!!". I look at this as she was expecting or hoping for something else.
I called her on the way to work this morning as I wanted to get some help with a HR issue which I had, we had a chat about it, then I said right, thanks for that. W said ohh OK, then I said bye. Again I think she was expecting me to ask things, esp about us, but I didn't. I then text her to say thanks for your help, have a good day, and she replied straight back, no probs!
She is now posting on fb again, and I think she it playing tit for tat with me as her last post was about how she can now get back into her smaller jeans, as I posted similar last night. She is obviously not eating properly either.
I think she is questioning her decision, should I test the water and ask about us, leave it, go dark, be friendly, I don't know what approach I should take now
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
Don't know about groundwork but doing what I feel is best/works. W will be dropping kids of the eve so will see how things are, but as mentioned I get the feeling from conversations with W and email in the last week that she is questioning her decision. I will test the water so to speak the eve, but will not include asking about our R, M or the future, just going to say that I will be going to Starbucks (see below) on Fri and thought she might like to come (I will be going anyhow as its part of my GAL).
I have been trying to GAL, but thought earlier that most of what I have been doing TBH has been for W's benefit, and it should be about me, well actually it's been a bit of both. I have been reading, going out with friends, seeing family (both seeing friends and family had been neglected IMHO when I was with W) spending a lot of time in Starbucks (chilling out reading the paper in piece!) and cleaning the house (which had been neglected) and tidying up (which I don't mind and actually quite like). Obviously we have the kids week on week off so the slightly restricts things. I have also gone/going back to the person I was, fund, jovial, full of life and my interactions and posts on fb clearly indicate this, which W has mentioned.
Luvless, thanks for your comment, I was a little harsher over the weekend with something, which the initial reaction was short, but then I saw more understanding (I put a few status on fb referring to a comment one of her friends had posted on a comment of W's, she realised this and removed the thread!, so I removed my posts)
If W joins me for a coffee I will carry on with the basic communication but still be doing LRT, if not I will drop the rope again for quite some time!
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
Well GAL should always be something you would do for you, but I think there is something to picking at least some activities that your WA could take an interest in and share if she decides to check you out again. When I was DBing eight years ago, I did yoga for me and formed an Italian club -- also for me, but knowing my Italian-fluent H could participate. This turned out to be a great activity for the two of us, and things seriosly began to deteriorate about the same time as we dropped the group. I think dropping the group was more a symptom of larger problems than the cause, but for several years we had something fun to share. --z
