I've just been catching up on your thread and I am also amazed. My friend works as a child advocate in the court system, and even the most drugged out, waste of oxygen Mom usually shows up to keep her kids.
First, Thank God your children have you. Do your best by them and you will be doing the best by yourself.
Second, I'd say quit trying to mend fences between your eldest and XW. Your D is old enough to decide this for herself at this point, and you need to be out of the middle.
Third, be a rock for your son. He probably has very scary abandonment issues.
Lastly, be good to yourself. Your XW has chosen her path. Let her follow it. If it is her choice to act like a spoiled child, there is nothing you can do about it, and as you said, you are not her father.
