Waiting for my other posts to appear, so I'll keep journaling...

I'm numb and at a loss for clear thinking this AM. After confronting W about the money she sent to OM she became very angry, accused me of invading her privacy - I found the receipt for a money order in her purse, so yes, I was snooping in her belongings - and blamed me for most of our marriage ills gong back over 10 years. I agreed that I had made a lot of mistakes and regretted how I had treated her. It was not a calm conversation, and she stated she was going to move out ASAP and start D mediation. I said I thought that would be best, since neither of us trust the other any more and that she feels absolutely nothing for me. Our emotions were doing the talking.

I want to believe her explanation about why she sent him the money, but I think there is more to it. I want to believe this M has a fighting chance but it seems like lately, every day brings a new reason it will not. I cannot bear the thought of being in this house without her, and yet I cannot see a pleasant future with her.

H 56
W 48
D27,S21
SS25
SS22 Severely autistic
M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs.
"I've never loved you" 3/7/2011
Separated 8/7/2011
BITS