We're... sorta talking. I'm allowing the proceedings to proceed, separating her stuff out and sending it to her, etc. She's taking a while to respond for negotiations on interim maintenance; I can't tell if she's forced to think more or if she's just not caring or what. Or if talking is even a good idea (and by "talking" I mean emails).
Oy, what a mess. She's still proceeding down the road to D, but hasn't filed yet and is slowing down a bit on sounding happy/victorious/challenging/money-hungry, so maybe some reality is sinking in but probably not...
Separated our books this AM and just gushed like a lawn sprinkler. My sister is being very patient and holy cow has she been helpful! Family and friends == good.
Well, we have had sporadic emails and I shipped her identification documents to her (she said she needed her passport and social security cards to apply for jobs...?). But no contact in a few days, waiting for her to make contact. Can't remember if I posted already, but separated the books today and just bawled like a baby, but feeling better now.
It's so alien that this is so... cold and bloodless? Like a business transaction. I can't see much emotion from her at all, and certainly no remorse, guilt, or reluctance. Very strange.
And no, Telemark, I didn't get a response to my "letter of release" except in the sense of "you take away access to all our money and then say you want to someday be friends; how can we be friends if you treat me like a thief?"
...which doesn't sound like it's lending itself to reconciliation.
"don't believe anything they say, and 50 percent of what they do"
It's true your W could have turned into this cold calculating alien. Most likely she is still the same emotional (and as you said before, depressed) person you know. My theory is that she is trying to remain strong and hide her emotions. Who's to say she doesnt cry all over the keyboard when typing, or she avoids seeing you to show a strong front. Keep being strong yourself she needs a rock to lean on, show her it can be you.
I agree with gb. She is likely putting on a facade. I think being coming across as being cold and calculating as part of hiding her emotions. There's a good chance she's a train wreck behind that facade.
Dunno, folks. I'd like to think so, but... I remember her eyes as she left, and those are the eyes I picture behind most of these emails. I did talk about some options in the last exchange, with the "I don't agree with this, but I'm not going to fight you" approach and I guess we'll just see what happens.
I'm getting OUT OF HERE this weekend and going to have a little minivacation with my sister. Hopefully she doesn't drive back and take a lot of stuff while we're gone (I'll try to get a housesitter but the poor kid wouldn't stop her and I don't want to put him in a bad position). But I don't think she will--I warned her that the amount of "her stuff" is already way too much for her car much less if she wants furniture.
Well, I have to say in the process of packing up her items, my sister and I came across some journals and, though it be a massive breach of privacy, I wanted some insight. And unfortunately found it. She documented how she felt trapped, lifeless, that sex was something she only did because I seemed to like it, that she knew I would never leave her but thought she might leave me if she kept feeling inferior, and wrote at some length about the amazing emotional connection she felt with an OM she met at the neopagan retreat she was studying. He asked her repeatedly if she was in an exclusive monogamous relationship, saying "dammit" when she assured him she was. They hugged. Isn't it sweet?
Hmm. I thought I would feel anger. Instead I'm just numb. I've met this OM before I knew; W introduced us hoping we could be friends. He's a real charmer in person, which explains why I instantly disliked him. And guess where she stayed overnight a few times en route one of her trips? She did assure me that she hadn't had a physical relationship with anyone "yet". Still...
Oddly, the primary emotion I feel is... disappointment. I expected more from her.
Would I forgive her? At this point, still yes. I'm not sure, though, how long that will continue.
The trip was nice, badly needed. House and contents are where we left them. In mail was confirmation from our bank about her change of address and application for a credit card. CRAP. Going to talk to bank tomorrow about limiting my liability there.
She's still pushing hard for divorce, demanding pretty high maintenance, cold as a soviet businessman. No trace of the woman I knew and loved. Crazy, man. Freakin' crazy. Luckily my sister is still here for a bit and being super. More friends coming over this weekend (we're throwing a "graduation party" for my PhD... flimsy excuse and in reality I sure feel like I paid too much for it, but will be good seeing people).
Had a nice big cry last night... 19th anniversary passed with zero contact, positive or negative. I did send her a traditional (for us) set of flowers with no note, and my sister invited friends to stay to distract me and we had a great evening, but I'm still just very very sad. Ah well. I'll survive.
