Family gatherings are always tough to deal with but I seem to get through them ok for the most part. Still they feel awkward and prob will for a long time.
At the BBQ my buddies mom sat next to me and said
BM (buddies mom): So I hear you are divorced from X. That is too bad you guys did not work out. You were suck a lovely couple, but son sometimes things just don’t work out. You know M is a lot of work, a lot and both people have to be in it for the long haul. You see that old man standing there (as she pointed to her husband) It has taken a lot of work to get to this point, but it has been worth it. I think you will be ok
M: Yeah how long you’ve been M?
BM: oh I don’t know. 34-35 years how old is my son? 33? Yeah about 34-35 years. I did not always love him sometimes I just hated him LOL but we stuck it out. I believe once you get past those first……say 10-20 yrs LOL that is when it becomes great. I still believe in the institution of M but I don’t think people realize just how tough it is.
She spoke to me for a few minutes and then I walked away. I went over to my computer and saw news feed from X “Life Is Great!!!” so for the first time in weeks I wondered over to her page to see what that was about. Turns out she was in Tulsa for the second time this month hanging out at the bar with some “new” friends one of them being the OM I mentioned back in Dec. Childhood friend or some other BS. Anyways I started to do a lot of thinking about how I felt about that and every day I come closer to an emotional conclusion of sorts.
A buddy of ours who lives in the town called her today because she had “poked” him on FB. They talked for about 20-30 minutes some things she said that he told me about.
B (buddy): So I see in your FB life is great
X: No I was at a bar drunk and decided to post that. Life is def not great I am broke no job blah blah blah
B: Any luck with a job?
X: yeah I have a lead should know in the next few weeks but I don’t want to say where yet because I don’t want it to get back to XH. My family is not too happy because it is far but I don’t care
B: So what is the deal with you and XH you guys done you are not done what is it
X: Oh I am done. I am done with the M
B: Do you still love him?
X: I will always love him. I am just not in love with him and don’t let him kid you he is not in love with me either
B: If you believe that than you are retard! That man loves you and is in love with you but whatever
He says she was quite and then said
X: Yeah I guess so.
B: Are you seeing anyone right now or thinking about it?
Hesitation
X: No. I am not thinking about that right now
B: How do you think XH would react?
X: I think he would be pi$$ed!
B: Yeah prob right but he would not come down here or anything. I think if you do you should let him know though. I think XH would look at that as some sort of closure. I also think he would drop you like a bad habit if you did that.
X: I would tell him
B: How do you feel if he started dating right now? Would you be ok with that?
X: I would be pissed somebody in my house my bed
B: hmmm ok
X: I know you think we should get back together but friend that would be the easy way out. Going back to him would be easy
B: Why because finances?
X: No its not that it would just be the easy way out and I don’t want that. I don’t need that. I hope he finds someone to love him and take care of him friend and someone to put up with his BS. LOL Because I was a dam* good wife
B: Ok let me ask you a question then good wife. You think you will find someone as good as HS was to you?
X : I don’t know.
This is all I remember my buddy telling me because obviously I was not a part of the conversation but he detailed the above for me pretty good.
I am currently separated from my hand journal so I use this site as my journal.
Life goes on…………….
At this point I feel like a plan B and I am just not comfortable with that arrangement.
