I appreciate you guys following my thread, I dont know what I would do with out this place.
I will not respond to him.
I am sure he is badgering me and he is trying to manipulate me into using his L. And he is trying to see where I am at with all of this.
I used a cut throat L for our seperation and she found many things we had to change in our sep. contract to protect me. If he sends me papers, the very day later I am going to contact and hire her again.
I am not sure the length of time in our state for the D process, or if we have to go through another Legal Seperation (cuz he moved back in for 3 years). These are the things I will find out after I recieve his paper work and hire her again.
I know when he texts me all this crap about D, that he is trying to be nice and "FRIENDS" because he wants me to roll over and be amicable and give him all he wants. And he is SO AFRAID that I can steam roll his business, Since he does everything illegally. That is the only reason he is so curious, I just know it. He doesnt care about being friends, He cares only about his alcohol and what he wants.
He is a one way street Kind of a guy. Even his mom says it. I have dealt with it for too long, I am now so angry because my eyes are opened to all the abuse I have taken these past 4 years.
I am starting to take my control back. However, it is easier said than done when Truely I never wanted any of this to happen. I am still such a baby about seeing him, (which we have not, because I am afraid I will cower). I need more healing time, so that I can say to him, SO BE IT!!!!
This is such a place of he!! I am in right now. I hate this whole ugly process. I hate seeing his trucks at the bar everynight. I hate thinking of the 2 years we had that he was trying and I thought that everything was getting so much better. I hate to see him acting like life is great and he is so happy. I hate thinking about all the OW he is probably persuing. I JUST PLAIN OLD HATE THIS> I know its normal to feel angry, but I dont think I have ever felt anger like this in my entire life before. How do I deal with it??? I have journaled, seeked support groups, read about dealing with anger, ect..but it is just consuming me right now.
I feel so much better when I dont get texts from him or see him around, or hear about him. But then, he starts it all up again. TIPPER
