Ive gone dark. And Ive been doing alot of thinking.
MIL sent me an email the other day stating that she didnt receive my text and thanked me for the voicemail. She said that H would be moving out of her house this weekend and into an apartment she owns which is down the road from her house. She said that she thought this was for the best as H has really turned her life upside down. She worries about him all the time and he has basically dumped our dog at her house. MIL will now be taking care of our dog. She also informed me that she advised H to stay at the apartment until such time as the tenants move out of our house - Feb next year. After which she advised him to move back home to get it ready for sale. She said that she hoped in this time he would come to his senses. And maybe H and I could reconcile if that is still what I wanted.
But heres the truth - Im not sure anymore that I want to reconcile with H. Going dark has really given me alot of time to think things through. Everyone around me has told me to let him go. That I & S3 deserve so much better. I cant help but agree to some extent. Analyzing our relationship has been quite painful. H hasnt been a great husband or father for the last couple of years. And after this Im not sure that that will change? Ive read on these boards that if people get through MLC that they change for the better - but what if they dont?
Ive come to realise that I am ok without H. I am ok financially. I am ok physically. And in time I will be ok emotionally. And so Ive been wondering - why do I want a man who has cheated on me? Who has spent all our money and has racked up an enormous amount of debt? Who has lied to me for I dont really know how long for? Who thinks only of himself and has abandoned his wife and son? Why?
I dont know the answer, but Im leaning towards the thoughts that I deserve better. I deserve a man that loves me. That cares for me and my son. A man that doesnt run away when things get tough.
Over the last week Ive been very business like with H. He's mentioned things like his job interviews, his moving house & his going on holiday next weekend (im guessing with OW again). Ive ignored all of these. I just ask what time he is picking up and dropping of S3. I ignore all other text. H even asked me to have dinner with him and S3 tonight. I declined by saying Im happy for him to take S3 out.
Im questioning why im standing?
W - 31 H - 33 Married - 7 years Together - 10 yrs Kids - S 3yrs old Separated - 27/03/11 OW - 10/04/11
