Ok.... So last night was interesting. It was kinda dropping the rope. It also kinda wasn't. I had a lot of fun, but I know I don't have 2x4's heading my way, but entire lumber trucks. So I apologize to you guys in advance. On the other hand maybe we found something we can both live with.
For what it is worth, cut yourself some slack. We are all human beings (including our spouses) which means we don't alway act perfect all the time.
I know I have had episodes of backsliding and taking offense at things my wife has said that were harmless. I have also on occasion found myself doing a "nice guy" thing every now and then. (Boy when I spot it later, I really feel bad about it as I know that was a big part of who I never want to be again.)
As 25 says, we are not your parents nor the marriage police (+1 25 and lots of great advice you have given him).
As to finding something that works for the two of you, GREAT as long as it really WORKS for the two of you and as long as you are both happy with it.
Dr David Schnarch in the PM says that marriage is hard work and that it stretches us and that each couple is unique.
Even if you think you have found happiness, you are still probably in for more roller coaster rides. My SSM was declared "cured" by our sex therapist over a year ago, but my wife and I still have moments of frustration, but luckly not very often and not to the degree of intensity that they once were. I feel so close to my wife (most of the time) that I find it hard to believe that I really was going to divorce her unless things changed.
Good luck. Make sure that you post updates every now and then (especially if they are theaputic) and celebrate those things that work.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
