Help, old timers please

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Thanks for the replies folks and for the food for thought.

You are right that here are several long stories that are adding stress right now. One that can be related quickly is that my Mom is going downhill with Alzheimer's and my relationship with my Dad is tough. Guess that's actually two issues... On a very bright note, he is astonishing us with the job he is doing taking care of her. We had no idea he had that much patience in him. That is what's most important now. It's OK that he's taking out frustration on us, he must have a LOT of frustration. Plus I'm feeling very guilty for letting him have it right back on one occasion and have tried to make amends for that.

As far as my H not wanting children, he was physically abused by his dad and didn't trust his parenting skills. He also knew he was going to invest too much of himself in work to be a parent. He likes children, just didn't want the responsibility. My daughter was 16 when we met and in many ways was already like a little adult. They got along well from day one but it was a huge challenge when she became pregnant. Long story there and many other complications made life especially difficult during that period. That was a log, long time ago. There is no doubt that he dearly loves both my daughter and our grand daughter. Family is very important to me and his good relationship with my daughter was one of the big reasons I fell in love with him. He was so sweet to her.

Regarding the living trust and adoption, I'm just going by the advise of two professionals who I have no reason to suspect gave us faulty information. Sounds like you may be a lawyer yourself, 25, or well informed or experienced?

I don't think he sees the situation as materialistic and even though it's hard for me to understand not making it a priority., he may just see getting the paperwork done as a bothersome chore that he's been putting off. I have offered to do it but he is a do-it-yourself guy about things like that.

I understand what you all are saying about setting him up for an affair. I can do a certain amount of acting "as if" but I don't want to cross the line into just being dishonest whatever the consequences. One of the worst things about our recent sexual devolution was just feeling like the only way he would hear me THAT WHEN I'VE HAD INSOMNIA FROM TONS OF ISSUES AND I'VE ASKED YOU NOT TO WAKE ME UP WHEN I AM FINALLY SLEEPING, PLEASE, PLEASE, DON'T WAKE ME UP!!!! was to make a federal case out of it. I go to huge lengths to make his workaholic life easier to bear! I don't get angry easily, in fact it takes me a while to even register anger but unfortunately when the last straw falls and I finally register it... it takes me a long time to calm down again :...( That was supposed to be a teary face... Sometimes I even have a good sense of humor and most folks would describe me as cheerful. My husband has described me as positively ebullient. He said alcohol wasn't an issue that night. I'd actually feel better if that were the explanation.

About the alcohol, he is an abuser not an alcoholic by most standards, but it certainly has caused problems between us and for him socially at times. Once in a while he gets sloppy, pass out drunk. I would estimate that he gets over most legal limits on average about 3-4 times a week so it includes work nights. I'd not be able to function but this is a guy who will go to work no matter how sick he is. He has not gotten sloppy drunk for a long time. To his credit, during this several day trouble spot, I don't think he has gotten drunk and I think at least one night he didn't drink at all.

Cat, I will see what I can do with your suggestions, thank you for them. Maybe he would just grow a beard again or try one of those half beard styles so we can get to the soft stuff. He's just got a very heavy beard and by evening he's mighty prickly.

Getting an appointment asap with my therapist. Writing and getting some feedback really helps though. Thanks again