Mid-Life crisis after 7 years ? I think not any more. I’m guessing the problems run much deeper than that. I have been here on the board many times over the last seven years, about as often as the X has been back and forth. Now she has been back for about 6 months. Living in her own room while she awaits the year to lapse so she can divorce her MLC husband that she ran away from me for.
I have been helping her physically and financially. I paid off her overdue cell phone bill and added her to my account. While checking the bill one day I noticed 140 calls and texts to one number, not her husband. I confronted her and asked her if she was starting a new relationship. She more or less said no that she was toying with the guy and she was a man eater and he only wanted one thing which disgusted her and she was going to spit him out. Then she proceeded to remove her number from my account and reopen her own because I was being to controlling by looking at her usage….
She tells me I am a nice sensitive guy…. ??? WTF ? Sounds to me like I’m becoming a door mat. Now I’m going to look like the bad guy to my kids when I kick her out. She defends herself by saying she never promised me anything as far as her feelings and a relationship. So evidentially I am being used as a wayward point while she awaits the time to go by to file for divorce from her second husband.
I am tired and tired of being alone with no real companionship from her other than to work on the house and share a meal together now and then. Then I get the, we don’t do anything together speech. Of course I know she has extreme self esteem issues and constantly looks for attention from other men. I am getting to the point where the “prize” of a loving relationship if it ever happens isn’t worth all the aggravation of the crap I am dealing with.
So, seven years in… Do I cut my losses or stick it out till she decides to get help and turn herself around? DavidA
What he said ^^^^^^^^^^^. I read your post yesterday, but was at a loss where to begin. Although I do not know any of the details, it seems by your description that the boat for the decision left the dock a long time ago. Good luck.
HI there, Thanks for the responses. I do know the answer. Doing it and turning my life upside down again is another story. This will probably mean I loose my home as well. She still owns 1/2 of it and it should have been sold by court order 3 years ago when my youngest turned 18. She wouldn't force the sale because our 2 youngest and a grandchild are still living here.
Even my youngest son, 21 in August, said to me the other day when are you going to dump mom and find a another woman.........
Loyalty, honesty, integrity, respect. It is near impossible to find anyone who understands these values and can live their life by them anymore. Am I asking to much ? DavidA
You vote with your feet. Divorce final 12/24/2004 I Give Up !
Loyalty, honesty, integrity, respect. It is near impossible to find anyone who understands these values and can live their life by them anymore. Am I asking to much ?
No. You aren't asking to much. What I've seen since the 70's (and unfortunately has gotten progressively worse), is how these things are very loosely defined by some. Typically in line with what makes me happy.
Having said that, there are people with these qualities out there. I would even argue there are converts from the "me" camp. I'm sorry she isn't one of them.
You just know when your heart has changed. Your gut tells you to move on and stop the battle. We cant change these MLCers but we can change our lifes and look for the qualities we want in a new mate when the time is right. It does happen. Some people find a new mate that is respectful. Just listen to your gut, its usually a sign telling you to take action of some sort.
I sometimes think us LBS's come here to give an excuse to our spouses terrible behavior (as did I). But then only to find that 5-7 years down the road, their behavior never ceases. Some MLCers just never wake up, and I think others are not even in MLC, they just have Horrible Horrible personality characteristics: (man-eaters, alcoholics, Attention seekers, Bi-polar/depressed, and of course guilt-ridden people that blame-blame-blame).
We tend to cover up these traits they have with our Hopes. It doesnt work, it only makes us hurt more for longer amounts of time. So...... Listen to your gut!!! Mine is telling me to get as far away from my Alcoholic H as I possibly can. UHG!!! Take Care, TIPPER
Ive been going through this back and forth for almost 5 years now. I threw my H out in October, he was dating and living with a coworker of his within a month of leaving.
I can see down the road it not working out and the OW will throw him out and he would probably turn to me and I would probably let him stay with me.
I dont want it to be like that.
Tipper, I think you are right...we do tend to cover up these traits they have with our Hopes. My H is a womanizer and has very low self esteem and needs attention from OW. Youre right, it doesnt work. It will only hurt us more the longer we put up with it.
Good luck on whatever decision you make David.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
David, You have been more than generous to your xw. It is now time to boot her out of the house. She has a new husband and he should be the one responsible for assisting w/her bills. Time to cut the apron strings and say Ta Ta.
It's tough, but she's milking you dry and at the end of the day...well, I think you know that her issues run deeper than you could have ever imagined 7 years ago. It's time for David to take care of David and let her new husband do what he needs to do about her. The Holiday Inn should close up shop...you done your duty by her....
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
"Some MLCers just never wake up, and I think others are not even in MLC, they just have Horrible Horrible personality characteristics: (man-eaters, alcoholics, Attention seekers, Bi-polar/depressed, and of course guilt-ridden people that blame-blame-blame)."
Hit that nail square on the head ;-)
I think maybe my demeanor is showing through. Tonight she called me after work and told me how much she loved me... You think she smells the pot boiling over ? I feel like she is a 700 lb shark. I get her close to the boat and she starts running again ;-)
Snodderly; She has a new "old" husband. She has left him 4 times with this being the last as far as I can tell. Been 6 months now and she is still here, mostly. But really doesn't want him but not sure about anyone else.
I know this sounds self serving but if I could find a decent woman who would have me I would end the whole game in a heartbeat. I guess unconditional love sometimes has conditions.
You vote with your feet. Divorce final 12/24/2004 I Give Up !
you probably can't find a decent woman with all your energy being spent on another man's wife...(ouch, I know that hurts).
But it's reality. Isn't it?
What's your question now? I mean, I'm confused as to why you are confused. She's MARRIED to another man and that's all that matters. Sorry
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
