Words get in the way

[angel61]

I see your point Cyrena, but it is so hard when your H is at home.We try to normalize things because of our problem with D12, and thus I find it hard not to be my "usual" self, and I think so does my H.

I guess what you mean is that if at present I don't feel the "love" I should not worry about it and just find happiness in my own way. That I can do I think! If I am bored that he is not speaking to me I will just whip out a book or magazine. This past week I also planned a couple of outings - one with friends, and one with my sis.

I am actually not sure how much of contact with OW he has, but I am sure that although it is so much less, he still has thoughts of her. My take on the Vegas thing though was that he was trying to see if feelings were coming back for me.... but at that point it failed the taste test. Maybe I should have made me pursue me more. I was too receptive.

I have read it in a lot of cases here where DBing is hardest when you have a live in. I fully agree. It took me so long to detach, and even now, I have short episodes where I need to tell myself not to react, not panic.

I also cannot go dark, our lives are so intertwined, especially since H's family is so close to me and whenever we have family affairs, guests, etc. I am the one they call. I arrange stuff from our side, and I cannot let them down too. Like this coming weekend, we have a huge family gathering (again) and so his cousins and siblings and I have been planning kids activities, hotels, the drive, etc. and he also has done his share of getting routes, as we plan to drive down Highway 1 with the guests from our country.

This is one of the things that H and I also talked about before -the ripple effect of us having a D would be so far and wide. When he sees all that camarederie, I know he realizes that all that will be gone if he leaves, and all because of him.

That situation works both for and against us.

My copromise to DBing is to try to give him as much space and freedom to figure things out himslf, and perhaps with OW as well, and try not to add to the pressure. For the past week, i sensed him being depressed, I suppose because of the Vegas incident, so I stayed quiet and pretty much did not bring up any emotional issues. yesterday he got mad at me for a small incident. I was able to keep my cool and just treated it just as i would if my d12 had a tantrum - Ignore!
I left the house the whole PM. By the time I got home, he was all smiles and friendly.

Oh well, I don't really want to initiate R talk, I think I will wait for him to get ready.

In the meantime, I guess I could read some posts in this forum. MZ's seemed to undergo a period like mine, where her H was still in contact with OW. The period of indecision, I guess, or weaning off. In some cases, some may just do things cold turkey, but maybe some people need a gradual withdrawal from heir addiction!