A New Chapter Begins

[MHL]

The conversation I had with my XW was last Thursday afternoon.

My XW asked me what she should do going forward. I really hesitated to give her an my opinion, I know I can’t fix her and honestly I just don’t care except that I know that her behavior impacts the kids and I am the one to deal with the fallout.

I suggested that she at least try everyday to contact our D14, either by text, email, or phone, if only to say that she loves her. Even if there is no response, she should never stop trying. Well, I had this exact same conversation with my XW on March 25th and prior to my D14 going into the hospital I checked the phone records for my D14 and found that my XW tried to call her once during the last 60 days and had sent 1 text in the last 60 days……………..I must say that this angers me the most and it takes all I have to not blow my XW out of the water on this point. I did share that fact of no effort , with my XW during our conversation on Thursday…….that is when she broke down crying and expressing regret for not trying.

Well, flash forward to last night and putting my S10 to bed.

My S10 was in the bed and I was saying good night and he asked if he could call Mom and I said sure……..I said you can call her anytime…..you even have your own phone. He then told me that he had tried Friday night a couple of times and several times on Saturday, leaving multiple messages to call back.

She never called all weekend.

He broke down and started crying saying that he “missed” his Mom. All I could do was hold him and comfort him, tears ran down my face as I held him tight………….on the inside the volcano was building and the anger inside was more than it has been in a long time.

I should add that I did not hear back from my XW after I left 3 messages concerning the status of D14 over the course of the weekend, granted no response from her was needed, however I did wonder if she was even checking her voicemail given what my S10 was telling me.

My S10 tried to call one more time and it went straight to voice mail, I told him that he could call in the morning, and kissed him goodnite.

I went downstairs and tried to call on my cell and home phone to no avail……..probably a good thing, I was HOT!!! I processed the anger, calmed down and let it go………

It pains me to see my children suffer……..

My D14 is very mature and certainly gives the impression of being far older than she is………that being said, she is still a child and she is in pain.

My son is also in pain and suffers silently most of the time.

Last night I realized once again that I will be dealing with my XW’s MLC for years to come, it is an ugly beast. I know my XW is in pain herself, and is running from the path of healing which is fraught with even more pain.

After I get over the anger, I start to think of the person I used to know as my wife, the person that I still Love.

As my pain fades into the distance it becomes easier to have compassion for the person that used to be my Wife.

I didn’t think that I would ever be able to be in a place that I could say…….

“I hope she gets better, I hope she finds her way……..I hope that she slays the demons that torment her and I hope that one day she does find happiness again.”

I know that I could never have a relationship with her again and I am okay with that, however I still struggle at times with the anger……….I hope that I slay that dragon when my children’s suffering subsides.

Even post divorce the music plays on and the MLC dance continues……

Cheers