Well, I text him tonight and said: "I am getting the help that I need to heal, but I am not ready to talk to you in person, feel free to text me with any important ?'s".
H text me back and said: "Even though our Love is strong, we are done. Friends now. Sign the paper work when I give it to you. Dont waste your money. I want my friend back. What ever it takes".
I didnt respond. But now I know that he HAS or IS getting the paper work filed. So be it...
I dont know how to take this crap from him. I know he is drunk and angry right now. I just want to stay as far away from him as possible. I am so mad.
What is his deal with wanting to be friends??? I was his best friend for 16 years. I tried everything to make him happy and forgave him time after time like a friend would. But I am spent. If he was really willing to do ANYTHING to be friends (like he said in the text), wouldnt he get sober? How can we be friends after he has stabbed a hole through my heart about a million times??? He doesnt deserve me as a friend anymore.
I know he is mad that I would not sit and talk with him. Oh well. Its for my better health, and besides I think I would explode if I had to talk to him.
I Surrender to the fact that we are not going to be able to work this out. But I know he is going to make this soooooo tough on me. He is going to blow a fuse when I get a lawyer to draw up my own paper work instead of signing his paper work. Let the Feud begin. I am going to need so much advice to get through this. Please stay with me - all, UHG! TIPPER *******KEE, I think you are doing the right thing. Boundary time:) !!! GOOD LUCK on the move.*******
Andabelle, I agree. I cant be his friend right now when I am trying to heal, it only makes me hurt when I see him or hear his voice.
He text me again this morning and said: "I have paid an attourney in full. Cash of Course. I am really hoping that you use him also to save money and make this as painless as possible". I didnt respond.
Everyone says to me to get my own lawyer when I see his paper work. So I Will, unless for some odd reason I agreed to everything he has in his contract - which I highly doubt.
He is still trying to control me and manipulate me. I am glad I am not meeting with him and barely speaking to him (unless if its seperation-business-talk).
H is also so egotistical, he knows I am on unemployment, whereas: he has loads of cash he dug up out the ground when he left (cuz he hides his money from banks and government due to debt collectors from his past bankruptcy). He is such an A$$.
And he is most likely going to go broke again eventually since allready in one month since he left he has spent $ on the motel, he's getting a lease for an apt. in june, he bought a boat, he bought another van, he hired his lawyer, and of course he is most likely spending about a hundred a day on bars and food.
You are the one holding the deck, take control. If he does not agree to YOUR terms let him know that you will be requesting a full audit of his business and band, etc.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
RE the divorce, how about "it's not up to me. You're the one who's pursuing it and I'm not standing in your way, but I'm not filing for you either."
And you don't ever have to talk to him or text back. There's no gun to your head. Your cell phone is for your convenience, not the phone's. Keep the legal matters in legal hands. Don't argue them as I'm sure his legal "info" is second hand.
Good luck
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Certainly you can request an audit of all his financials. That is why you will get your own lawyer, who will look out for your interests and guide you thru this process. Have you done any research yet for a good L?
Your H is likely trying to rush the process before you get too knowledgable about your rights. What is the process in your state? how long does it take?
I would not respond to his text. He is badgering you.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I appreciate you guys following my thread, I dont know what I would do with out this place.
I will not respond to him.
I am sure he is badgering me and he is trying to manipulate me into using his L. And he is trying to see where I am at with all of this.
I used a cut throat L for our seperation and she found many things we had to change in our sep. contract to protect me. If he sends me papers, the very day later I am going to contact and hire her again.
I am not sure the length of time in our state for the D process, or if we have to go through another Legal Seperation (cuz he moved back in for 3 years). These are the things I will find out after I recieve his paper work and hire her again.
I know when he texts me all this crap about D, that he is trying to be nice and "FRIENDS" because he wants me to roll over and be amicable and give him all he wants. And he is SO AFRAID that I can steam roll his business, Since he does everything illegally. That is the only reason he is so curious, I just know it. He doesnt care about being friends, He cares only about his alcohol and what he wants.
He is a one way street Kind of a guy. Even his mom says it. I have dealt with it for too long, I am now so angry because my eyes are opened to all the abuse I have taken these past 4 years.
I am starting to take my control back. However, it is easier said than done when Truely I never wanted any of this to happen. I am still such a baby about seeing him, (which we have not, because I am afraid I will cower). I need more healing time, so that I can say to him, SO BE IT!!!!
This is such a place of he!! I am in right now. I hate this whole ugly process. I hate seeing his trucks at the bar everynight. I hate thinking of the 2 years we had that he was trying and I thought that everything was getting so much better. I hate to see him acting like life is great and he is so happy. I hate thinking about all the OW he is probably persuing. I JUST PLAIN OLD HATE THIS> I know its normal to feel angry, but I dont think I have ever felt anger like this in my entire life before. How do I deal with it??? I have journaled, seeked support groups, read about dealing with anger, ect..but it is just consuming me right now.
I feel so much better when I dont get texts from him or see him around, or hear about him. But then, he starts it all up again. TIPPER
the most important question there is how to get rid of the anger...Not so easy.
What worked for me was that I finally got sick & tired of being sick & tired. The anger I felt was consuming ME. It was also keeping me from being really present for our children, and that wasn't fair. And I just felt like crap for too long. I wanted to do anything to stop feeling so much pain.
So I worked on letting go of the anger. Has nothing to do with condoning the WAS or h, it's just about not letting our lives getting sucked in by the anger we feel. Once you see that the anger hurts you more than it affects him, it gets easier to let go of it.
Your "success" at life cannot be measured by HIS misery. Do you understand that? It's crucial for you to get it.
Your happiness = your success, and happiness is ALL up to you. Yes it is, it's NOT about him. You are in charge of your life possibly for the first time in years... Create a life for you that makes you feel at peace, and inner contentment. You'll get a lot out of life when you put THAT out into the universe. Trust us on that. First off, try turning your pain & anger over to God. And then, don't take it back from Him. Leave it in HIS hands and start enjoying a life unemcumbered by anger and pain due to someone else's choices. Now it's all about YOU.
Good luck
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
