It sounds as though your H is doing some necessary processing--but still has an extremely long way to go. Continue working on yourself and following through with the changes you have planned, to give him space to do his own work.
If he comes out of the tunnel, you will know it: he will be a changed man, more at peace with himself. He will want to talk to you, however briefly at first. He will have become someone who is no longer comfortable stuffing his emotions and not knowing how to start talking about them. So don't worry about helping him out by taking the ball from his court, etc--that's co-dependent thinking at work.
When he speaks to you, validate him and be friendly--but don't share your own inner process with him at this point. Once he comes out of the tunnel it will be as though he sees you fully again, and really can understand your pain. However, up until that time, he will be so busy processing the mess inside his head that he does not have the energy or attention to be able to empathize with another's pain. Depression draws the mind entirely inward, so that depression has to pass before you start letting your guard down.
