Rollercoaster of love

[LearningPatience]

OK, I've written my Plan B letter. I used a few templates and put things in my own words. I'm looking for any feedback, positive or negative. Here it goes...

J,

This is by far the most difficult letter I’ve ever had to write. I can’t state enough how much you mean to me, how deeply I love you and how painful it is that we’ve reached this point in our marriage.

First, I need to apologize for my phone call on Friday stating that I wanted a divorce. I said those words out of frustration and not out of an actual desire. I know it has to be difficult for you when I take out my frustrations that way rather than calmly discussing them together in the same room. I am sorry.

More importantly, I must apologize for my role in the death of our marriage. I was emotionally unavailable to you when you needed me the most. I took our lives and relationship for granted, assuming you knew I loved you without me actually demonstrating it. I was miserable, moody, depressed and difficult to be around. My final cry for help, my suicide attempt, was by far the most selfish, inconsiderate and painful thing I could have done. I hurt you terribly and I may never be able to repair the damage I’ve done to you.

I’ve learned a lot about myself, about you and about the two of us together over the past year. I know what I need to do moving forward to mend our wounds and to create a new partnership. I’ve reawakened those traits in me that first drew us together.

As much as I want to rebuild our relationship, I cannot do that when OM is in the picture. This is the most painful thing I have ever endured. For this reason, I can no longer see you or speak to you as long as you have any type of relationship with OM. This is not to punish you, this is to save the good feelings and love I have for you and help me heal.

I ask that you respect this decision and do not contact me directly unless there is an emergency. Any contact between us should go through a third party, such as MIL, FIL or similar. I am willing and would like to finish the siding project I’ve started, but I would need to work on it without your presence. Other than that, I will be unavailable for any other help.

My deepest hope is that we reconcile someday and build an even stronger bond between us. For this to happen, you would need to end all contact with OM and work with me to rebuild the trust and love we once shared. You were my best friend, lover, confidant and I was your biggest fan. It would be a hard journey, but I believe from the bottom of my heart that we could emerge from this ordeal a stronger, happier couple.

With all of my love
M