back again

[any chance?]

As I get ready to leave for 2.5 weeks, I feel a major shift in my situation developing. W told me she had filed upon my return from an extended trip on Wednesday. Spent the next 5 days doing my best to DB, being strong, tried to avoid R talks (so did W for the most part). Actually had a good time with W during this period. Not sure if she had a good time or not.

I had thought we were on the mend, but significant backsliding on W's part has occurred. Significant. She is telling me she has tried to fall in love with me again, tried to make our R work, but cannot do it. In truth, with her depression and my trip, she tried for a total of about 3 months. Not long enough after 20 years, I don't think. Now she is done. I am trying to DB the best I can, and am working on GAL.

I guess this morning I realize that I am back where we were this time last year. She wants out, and her mind is made up. Getting emotional support from an old guy friend out of state, which is undoubtedly not helping my situation. I think I just have to hunker down again for the long haul. She is going to do what she is going to do.

I am worried that W is building up resentment. She seems fairly calm and OK with me during our interactions, but I worry she is quietly seething and despising me for what has happened to her life. That is a very sad feeling. I wonder if this is just part of the process of the WAW. Is it possible for W to get over this rough spot?

Kind of lost here.