back again

[any chance?]

Things are still in the twilight zone. W got upset when she heard a couple of her friends weren't sure of her decision to D, got upset when I told her my councilor thought we needed more time. No serious mention of the D papers lying on the table, no mention of anything. We go out on Friday night, and early in the AM she comes into my room to be close.

WTF? Is this common for a W who just filed for divorce?

[~¤DG¤~]

I'm really not sure if it's common or not.

Maybe she is having second thoughts?

[any chance?]

I am confused over whether she is having second thoughts or is hanging with me due to guilt. Not sure how to tell the difference.

Unfortunately, I leave in 2 days for 2.5 weeks. I am planning on telling her and giving her a letter saying that I will sign the papers, which is what she wants. No idea how she is going to react, or if she will be here upon my return.

The current status is that I have asked to put off the D until January, and she is adamant she wants the D. I have now decided to drop the rope, sign the papers and see what happens. If she does not initiate a conversation about the D papers before I leave, do I tell her I will sign them before I go, or just leave without saying anything?

[any chance?]

Ongoing thoughts...need to understand,and posting here helps.

Good night at a small party last night, good congenial morning, with breakfast, then coffee with a couple of friends. No talk of the D papers sitting on the table.

Shaky moments last night when W thought she caught me in a lie - once I pointed out that her suspicions were off base, we got in a teary conversation about how bad she feels about herself and the mistakes she has made. I told her that it was my impression that she has isolated herself over the past few months while I was gone, and has been very hard on herself, viewing everything through a very negative lense. I do so hope she heard me.

I leave tomorrow for a couple of weeks. Don't know if I should just let the D papers lie there, and let the deadline pass (which means a summons in June), or if I should tell her I will sign them and let her go forward with her decision. Right now it seems as if she does not want to talk about it. What to do?

[any chance?]

Just discovered W has been in frequent communication with an old male friend. I don't think there is an EA or PA, she just reconnected with him a few months ago. He is married and living in another state. Suppose I should not be surprised she is leaning on someone - she is trying to get a D after all. Pretty sure she did not want me to find out, however.

I need to know if she has liked having me around for the past 5 days, or if she is just dying to get rid of me. I thought things had gone well, but perhaps it is all just an act? I hope the DB works. I am going to be gone for 2.5 weeks,and who knows what new scenario W will come up with.

Still have not signed the papers, and it is looking like I will leave without signing them

[~¤DG¤~]

I wish I knew what to tell you about this.

Maybe not signing them before you leave is for the best.

Have a safe trip.

[any chance?]

I have been back for 5 days, and have thought me and W were having a pretty good time, particularly since she told me she had filed as soon as I got back. I have been being the nice guy, not bringing up relationship talk, working around the house, being nice, having fun. She has been essentially solo for the last three months, and living in a cloud of depression and negativity. I think my return has been good.

Do I ask her if she has enjoyed having me around? I need to know if her apparent brightness is an act generated out of guilt, or if she is truly happy to have me around. I had convinced myself that DB over the next few months would work, whether or not I signed the papers. Now I am suspicious she is just biding time before I leave for a couple of weeks, when she can further develop her plans to D and disappear.

I was doing so good at DB this week, and tonight I am a conflicted mess. I can probably walk out of town without another R talk, or I can tell her I will sign the papers and give her this heartfelt letter before I go.

Which is the right thing to do?

[LearningPatience]

Don't ask. In the scheme of things, a week is nothing. She might not really know why she's been acting positively, and asking will definitely impact that.

Not sure about signing the papers, but definitely don't give her a heartfelt letter now.

[♪CS♪]

Slow down and take a breath.

You haven't given this any real time yet. You said you've back for 5 days and now you want to basically ask her if everything is OK now.

You're trying to read her mind. Even if you ask her, you can't trust the answer right now.

As far as the papers, make that a legal decision. If there is no legal risk in not signing them now, up to you. Or let her bring it up.

[any chance?]

Thanks guys. I really do need to slow down. I am kind of in panic mode. If she moves out while I am gone, I cannot do anything about it. If she takes the last few days as a good sign, that would be great. If she is just leading me on, I am doomed anyway.

I thought we were on the right track......now I am kind of lost again...