Alternate DB universe?

[Queen_of_Swords]

I've noticed that several people here have struck up friendships off these boards, with some obscure code and a reference to an alt.
Would someone enlighten me?

[Queen_of_Swords]

Guess not.

[2stepboogie]

I am not sure what you mean, this site is very restrictive and for good reason

[25yearsmlc]

they're talking about fb.
some people are comfortable with contacting friends of the same sex only, others are open to both and some won't mix the two. There are legit fears of vulnerable people getting into EAs on this site, which is too ironic and hypocritical for the MWD people to accept, which I get.

A few years ago I met someone in RL from here, b/c some of us thought he was suicidal. But it ended up with me losing privacy and his taking advantage of my time A LOT, and just being weird. So I don't mix the two, plus I want to be able to share details here that I NEVER worry about leaking elsewhere. Make sense?

To each his own.

[AJM80]

Agree, I'd stay off the alt sites. Too hard to close that door once you open it. Plus you never know where non-anonymous info will get to.

When I was in college, the techies would go chat on early message boards and they were all at alt.net or something. I never did figure out where to go.

[Queen_of_Swords]

Thanks for the information. I appreciate the knowledge.

[zengypsy]

Hey Scylla - been a LONG time since I've been on here. How are things going for you?

[Queen_of_Swords]

Hey Zen, good to see you back!

It's mostly been the same old, same old. H. sees the kids once a week, and alternate weekends. Still making offers he can feel free to turn down. I'm getting great at rejection. H. still only really communicates if I extend the hand outward. Otherwise no effort on his part is made, unless it has to do with kid stuff.

I'm still working that 5 year program I'm on. It got a lot harder with more crap churned up and needing to be sifted through and understood. Essentially I'm starting from ground zero in rebuilding my personal house of beliefs and assumptions. Sorting through truth and lies about myself and my relationships to others and the world. Hard work.

Had a DB counseling session last week.
Got given an assignment to do for myself. As I'm feeling pretty sad and defeated most of the time, though most people can't tell.
Curiously I am stronger and dispassionate when speaking of highly emotional topics and hardly ever break down in tears anymore.

Counselor sees little glimmers of movement forward by H.
Acknowledged I feel after almost two years, it's not near enough. Trying to figure out if now " I'm done."

Been on a few coffee dates with other people. That's been interesting, and at least it gets me out of the kid zone for a couple hours.

Picked up the book "Hold me Tight" and currently I am reading it. I recognise the dance steps to the Protest Polka and Flee and Freeze very well.


That's pretty much where things stand these days.

How about you babe?

[Queen_of_Swords]

Tonight I had a R talk with my H. Break out the 2X4's if you must.
Cheerful attitude and ignoring the elephant in the room ... I can't do it anymore. This is not what marriage is supposed to be and yet I'm still married.

I went through a lot of the exercises in "Hold me Tight" in the last couple days.

Tonight I revealed the soft underbelly of my worst fears and deepest pain.
How I feel when he behaves as he has in stonewalling, ignoring me and diving into solitary, personal pursuits to avoid unpleasantness as he perceives it. I teared up, once or twice, but did not cry or otherwise get emotional. ( Yay me.)
I told him I was not scared of confronting this head on anymore and that I felt I've been pushing a huge boulder uphill alone for a long, long time and that I was very tired. ( I think it was as evident to him as it has been to you all on here how close I am to giving up entirely, as he started to tear up himself when these things were revealed.)

I expressed to him several things factually and without passion:
If he decided to come back, I wouldn't laugh in his face or humiliate him for asking. He knows how I feel where he is concerned and where our relationship is concerned as well.
I also told him I have needs and won't wait forever, the door is open a crack, but won't stay that way.
I also mentioned there aren't many good guys out there, and that I'd have to be very careful picking because any man I would choose would have much contact with our kids, and that I wasn't interested in being someone's "F" buddy.

I am living my changes, I continue to change and I won't be going back to the person I was...living on adrenaline and caffiene driven, compulsive,loud,defensive,critical, judgemental, completely reactive and living in survival mode.

That I knew I'd be all right with or without him, and that I'd never come between his relationship with our kids and him.

He remained pretty quiet through this. Not asking questions or for clarification.

I asked him how he felt and I listened.

He said he hasn't got much memory of what he felt when he left, it's still all a blur and chaotic. Said he just had to get away the urge to run was so powerful.
I said I understood that completely, I had been there myself on one or two occasions.
He felt remorseful about the letter he sent,that he hadn't worded it well, he was just trying to do what he could to get it down.
I nodded and thanked him for the letter as it was all I had that really gave me an insight into what was going on inside him.

He said a lot of the things I've said have made sense to him in regard to how we interact and hurt each other with our automatic and instinctive reactions that were programmed into us as young children.

I responded that we both came from abusive family situations where alcohol was involved, and this has a LOT to do with it.

I can't really remember much more than that at the moment.
I'm glad I did it. No regrets.
I've been abandoned, lied to ( by omission) backstabbed and heartbroken. The only things left are financial ruination and living alone as a divorcee far as I can see.

We'll see what come of it.
Watch for the next episode of Scylla kicks a$$ and takes names.
( Just kidding...this was exhausting)

[Truegritter]

I've been abandoned, lied to ( by omission) backstabbed and heartbroken.

What would be your feeling and outlook if you had left him before he left you?

It seems you had reason to. Yes?