Denver, thanks for the reply. The things that made me sure that it's over: 1) a list on our counter of the things we bought together, made by W 2) spoke with SIL today. W is visiting D in CO (Grand Junction) and is driving back with OM to MI. SD is upset with that and that was the final straw. Pretty much everyone that knows W thinks the sitch is F'ed up. She can deal with that on her own.
I'm just numb right now. Supposed to meat friends for late dinner. MIL asked if I wanted to come over. I think I will for a minute and give her a huge hug. She's like a mom to me.
Thanks everyone for your support and well wishes. We'll see what the future brings...
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Denver, thanks for the reply. The things that made me sure that it's over: 1) a list on our counter of the things we bought together, made by W 2) spoke with SIL today. W is visiting D in CO (Grand Junction) and is driving back with OM to MI. SD is upset with that and that was the final straw. Pretty much everyone that knows W thinks the sitch is F'ed up. She can deal with that on her own.
I'm just numb right now. Supposed to meat friends for late dinner. MIL asked if I wanted to come over. I think I will for a minute and give her a huge hug. She's like a mom to me.
Thanks everyone for your support and well wishes. We'll see what the future brings...
I understand that numb feeling LP. That is why I'm telling you to hold off on doing or saying anything rash until you have allowed that to pass. Most likely, you are not balance emotionally right now. That is a bad place to make decisions from. Give yourself some time.
As for the list of stuff that your W made ... I made a similar list before my W moved out... when I was telling her that I wanted her to move out. When she dropped the bomb and told me that she was actually going to do it... that list meant nothing.
My point? Your W making that list means nothing. She's a WAW man. If that's the worst of what you have experienced, consider yourself lucky.
I'm not trying to talk you into anything one way or the other LP. But, as others have pointed out to me, you didn't come here and expect this to be easy did you??
Hang in there man.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I know I'm one of the people that comes in and tells people that everything will be ok. It's so much harder to listen to yourself saying that and believing it.
It's 5am and I'm sitting in a 400 sq ft apartment instead of our 1400 sq ft house. I'm trying to figure out where I will store my 'stuff', storage locker, MIL house or what. Hell, even my 1st W would probably store things for me. She's been one of my biggest supporters in all this.
I've got lots of support around me, but at 5am when you're sitting alone it's not much help. I've got all the other BITS too, which I'm thankful for.
It's funny, even MIL said I shouldn't file for D, have W do it. It's not my problem, but I wonder if W has really thought about all that she will lose. Not just relationship wise, but day to day things like, oh, health insurance, cell phone service, netflix, etc.
I'm rambling. I've got my running class at 8am. Guess I should find a way to keep busy until then...
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Running was bleh today. Normally it makes me feel good, but even after running a couple of miles my heart wasn't into it. Went 4 miles, but at a slow pace, didn't have the energy for much else.
I'm volunteering at an art festival in a couple of hours, so that should keep me busy and my mind off of things. I've had several people say they'd stop by and see me during my shift, so that's good. It's a beautiful day out so the turnout should be great.
I was too numb to even cry earlier. I *hate* feeling like I have to start my life over again. I'm so jaded right now...
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
I know I'm one of the people that comes in and tells people that everything will be ok. It's so much harder to listen to yourself saying that and believing it.
Absolutely it is LP. We know that, ultimately, everything WILL be good again, whether or not our R/M reconciles, but it is very, very difficult to believe when you are in the the thick of it.
Hang in there man. You have a very long road to go... the hard road, if you choose it.
And remember your screen name here! LEARNING PATIENCE!
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
You know learning. Its true when people say that ONLY you can decide when its over. It may be over with your spouse , in her head but then again,people change as you are no doubt aware.
In my sith, my wife is in an active relatioship and it very well be over and she is in love with OM. I dont know. Sometimes I think its over and sometimes ,something deep inside me says its not.
Regardless, I have to live my life like it IS over and there is no going back. Only then can somebody truly detach and live life the way its meant to be lived. Like you mean it and enjoy it.
If we just put our lives on hold and wait out whatever she is going through , a good chunk of life could pass you by. I have already moped around for way too much of it. It is time to enjoy life with my kids and take on new challenges. If she decides to come back, then I will have to see where I am at that point.
ITs the ONLY that makes sense. We all know it , we just have to live it.
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
9, that's pretty much where I'm at now. I know that OM is a symptom more than a cause (well, both really), but at some point I think it's healthy to say sayonara, I wish you both the best of luck. That's pretty much where I'm at now. I think it's hard now because I've been in denial or something. Assuming that, hey, I'm turning back into the *awesome* guy she first M, so of course she'll come back. Well, she's getting further and further away and it's time for me to drop the rope.
The realization is what is hitting me the hardest. So many things remind me of the good times we've had. For instance, at the art fair I passed a booth where W and I bought a nice stained glass piece a few years ago. So many memories there... then again, I've been going there longer than I've known W, so in a sense I can claim the memories for myself.
My friends and family have been super awesome and there for me. As have all of you here on DB. Thanks!
It was a wonderful, sunny almost hot day today. Volunteering was fun, I heard a couple of good bands, including a popular local blues band. Saw many people I knew and talked with them a bit. Met 1st W and kids there, S14 was being a snot, but S12 and I hung out at a burger joint while S14 was in his IC appointment across the street. S12 has been so wonderful lately I cherish all the time I've been spending with him. So, there is good in my life if I remember to look for it.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Today is starting out better than yesterday. I really think it was the realization that W is spending all her free time with OM, to the point that even her D, sis and M are disgusted by it. It still hurts, but really, nothing else has changed between last week and now.
Today's plan - write a plan B letter. Straighten up apartment, move a few more things from the house to here, work on the house a little more before W makes it home. Once she's home, I won't go there if she's there.
I may post my plan B letter here for constructive advice (and hopefully not to many 2x4s).
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Just when you thought you had enough stress in your life...
Got a call from 1st W about S14. Turns out he logged into one of S12's online game accounts (with his permission) and almost had him banned. S12 had to write to the admins and tell them what happened and change his password. S14's excuse was that it was good for him to destroy the other player's structures so that they can use their creativity and build better ones.
S14 has been very judgmental and acting like everyone else is shallow and stupid compared to him. He shows no remorse for his actions and they seem to be getting worse. In his mind, he's fully justified in everything he does and the rest of us don't understand.
I'm looking up Oppositional Defiant Disorder and related things to see if this may be what he's going through. S14's C seems to think it's just anxiety and everything is hunky dory. WTF?
It's 11am and I'm already having a shot of tequila to deal with all of this. Plan B, ODD and tequila, today's holy trinity...
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
I'm looking up Oppositional Defiant Disorder and related things to see if this may be what he's going through. S14's C seems to think it's just anxiety and everything is hunky dory.
I think he's just a 14 year old boy. It's a defiant age; I know, I have a nephew that age, and another one who's now 18.
