Keeping the Faith

[Sanderika]

Hi Ladies,

It is a noticeable pattern of our MLC WAH for sure.

I have noticed that when I become aloof and detached, H comes back around. The MLC he suffers from will bring him back around as he does not want me to get too far away from his grasp.

He constantly seeks my approval and friendship.

Then, when he "knows" I am still here "for him"...POOF...he runs off again.

I guess I need to understand the dynamics of all of this.

I have believed for a long time now that our Hs do not trust the new and detached us. They think it is just an act to rope them back in. Thus the reluctance to come home. Instead they are willing to continue to thwart all the blame on us and remain stuck.

They wait & watch and wait & watch for a very long time testing the water and maintaining a distance from us just far enough away to torment. Do they gain a perverse pleasure in the tormenting? Are they truly tormented themselves?

I am reaching the place of detachment, I did not really understand how this feels until recently. I now know exactly what it feels like. I do not like it. For me, getting there will be the point of no return. I am fearful that I will become hateful and ultimately will cause permanent damage by my actions and words to a relationship I have worked so hard to save.

For instance, yesterday...My H came to get our son in the am, I was fully aware because of his choice of vehicle that he had been with OW at her place Friday night. In the past I would have tried to engage H with food or kind words and a body language that was accepting and loving for sure. This time, I am disgusted. I am getting so disgusted by even looking at him when I know he is still with her. I had all I could do to glance at him when he spoke and smile with him over conversations with our son.

I am guessing that this is the beginning of total detachment. Disgust and hateful thoughts are not something I have ever felt for him before.

I have read that it is the one who is detached to have all the power. It is common that when the LBS reaches the point of total detachment completely that the WAS wants back in.

Why does it take such extremes?

AND the OW....OH my God!!! These women are in relationships with married men. These women have absolutely no morals or scruples. What possesses them to stay for so long? In my case over 5.5 years.

I know why I have stayed. What makes them stay? They are in a relationship based on cheating and dishonesty.

Beatrice, you are very wise...I think you have the answer to this and it is in total detachment. It's a hard lesson to learn and it's a long road to get there. Most of us should have learned it long ago....

Thank you for your wisdom and support,

Sanderika