Back here again - why oh why?

[lovehurts2]

Journaling.

Big update. I have now moved out of the house and into my family's house today.

The last couple of days, i went GAL met with girlfriends and went out into town and partied, did dinners the whole lot.

The R between H and I are good. We talk, laugh, and communicate well. We don't talk about our R, other than H initiating what we are splitting in regards to house goods. On the ride up, he said "do you want to go watch a movie after i move your stuff?" but in the same breath, "how we organising the papers?"

Im shocked as this person is leaving me but doesnt mind if we go watch a movie? We never ended up going as the movie we wanted to go see wasn't out yet. I said don't worry ill handle the D papers, as H would not have a clue where to begin and he thinks because we got married in vegas it doesnt matter ( i told him no, its legal in AUS too). Here in Australia, we need to be separated for 2 years before filing. So i will wait till then, and see how we go.

I have not once in the last 2 weeks, to beg him to stay back. I know we are compatible, and it makes me sad as i know the end is here.

He helped me packed all my belongings on to his truck, and helped me move it back into my family's house. On the front, im happy and i act like i am o.k with the move. But inside im a wreck.

We have a dog together who we treat like our own baby, we decided that i will keep her. So i mentioned to him, since i have his cousin's "girls get together" in 2 weeks, why doesn't he keep Iowa (the dog) to himself to say goodbye. And when i travel to the party, i will stay in the spare room that night (as i live 2 hrs away) and the following day i will take iowa back up with me to my new home.He agreed to this, and we would get to say our final goodbye.

My heart is breaking as i move our furniture out of the house and i think to myself...he would rather live alone then want to live with me. That he just wants to get rid of anything that reminds him of the marriage and just redecorate it.

In all honestly and in the bottom of my heart, i don't think we will ever get back together. He has already said we should promised each other no more contacting after this. That after 8 years, this need to be the last split. That we cannot look back.

I know i will keep my end. I will GAL to better myself and to fix the issues that i have. Part of me will always love him and at this point i am still very much in love with him. It is so hard to put a front, to be strong, to pretend that your happy and ok, when all i want to do is just run back in his arms.

i know its not over until i say its over, but in gut i truly believe that H will not come back to me. His family and friends will not support his decision if he decides to give it another go. They believe that we have separated way too many times, that we argue all the time and that its best to cut your losses now and if your not meant to be together, than your not. Yes they are true, but why doesn't anyone think ..that there must be a reason why we keep going back together after our break ups?


It is my first sleep away and I am finding this so hard that I just cant stop crying.