No, of course it makes sense - it is simply that I think emotionally we have to be in a place where they cannot hurt us for the reconciliation to be effective: perhaps another way of putting it is that in one way they have to want it more than we do, without making themselves vulnerable to us.
My therapist feels that most MLCers - that is people who have major life transition issues, feel deeply inadequate, particularly in relation to their careers and to us. They may be doing fine as the world sees it, but not as they do. That is why OW/OP is always so needy.
Illness in us seems to send them one of two ways - they see us as needing them and it draws them back, OR we look vulnerable and might abandon them [even if they have left us] and this sends them deeper into crisis. The boards are full of people like me where major illness scared the WAS into running harder than ever. Perhaps it is the point in their crisis that we become ill . . don't know.
I just didn't want your hard won equilibrium destablised: only when we are through it do we see how hard won it is!
