Thanks all for the input. Yes it is a little awkward for me, i have flirted a little and I did flirt with my date last couple of days. But it went a little further and she seems really nice and appears to have her stuff together.
Great quote Islander. And yes our paths seem to mirror each others. Thanks for being there for me every step of the way as I have tried to be there for you. At times it was the blind leading the blind and even though we aren't out of the woods yet, we do see a clearing up a head.
I hope things go well this weekend. But how much trouble can I get into with 5 hours of distance between us?
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Just be honest with yourself and her as to your intentions. IMVHO, and from my own mistakes, you should give yourself time to be happy with yourself before going this route. But that is up to you and where you feel you are in the process.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Loving someone is at least in part a choice. I will explain......
It’s a feeling I can’t control because the heart wants what it wants, and a part of me can’t control who I’m attracted to, drawn to, or have chemistry with.
But a part of it is a choice– a commitment to hold on to this person I have chemistry with— forever, with the realistic view that this person is not going to always be as perfect as they seem right now.
It’s living with the realistic view that it’s not always going to be easy, and I’m not always going to want this person as strongly and as passionately as I do now–
But when those times come, I’ve backed up my feelings with a decision to stay through it all.
Why?
Because the feelings are volatile.
They come and go.
It’s my commitment that is forever.
It shouldn’t change like the feelings.
So the answer to the question, is love a choice or a feeling?
Well, it’s both.
Basically this kind of love does not waver and is not impacted by the lover’s actions
You can despise the action but continue to love the person.
We do with our kids all the time.
Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment.
It begins when one person decides; I’m going to express love to my spouse in spite of the fact that I don’t have warm feelings toward her.
havent got much time to post as I am getting ready to get OFF The rock. YAHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOO.
I am humbled by your posts guys. All good advice and I feel this sense of closeness to many of you and I cant express how much you guys have saved me. ESPECIALLY from myself.
I will forever be in your debt and wish to god we could all meet someday. I think we would have a blast. I also think we would NOT believe how down we were at one time.
I am going through with the date and with NO expectations. I think it will feel good to be in the company of a beautiful woman again. If things progress, they will have to at a snail's pace.
Well, have to finish packing and get outta dodge.
Everyone have a great Victoria day Weekend. (Cdn only) but you Yanks and Brits and wherever you hail from. Enjoy the normal weekend.
9 OUT.
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
You best realize that love is a choice when you don't feel like loving that other person but you choose to do it anyways (and loving actions for them).
Feeling "In Love" is something else, but love is absolutely a choice, it's a verb so it requires action. Long time loves can lose some of their sizzle/lust, but there's such an upside.
We who have been through the fires and the triumphs of family life, and raising children (including when they were sick in the middle of the night, or broke their arm, or won an award, an event or a race, or came home crying, & your spouse shares this w/you like no one else can...) and working at jobs, on our homes, over years of time...we know what love is.
Like Happiness, Love is a choice and an action verb. It requires sacrifice, and it is a series of acts born of truly knowing another person and wishing them the best...
Though we have not loved perfectly, we want to.
There comes a time in every marriage when each spouse sees the other in total stark reality, without the passion of the new, and see them totally naked, with all their flaws, weaknesses, qualities, strengths, quirks, warts and all, and in that time, We each make a choice.
They may reject their spouse as simply too flawed, no faults of significance or weight are allowed, only the minor ones. Those spouses leave in the hopes of finding more perfect mates.
Others choose to stay, but only to make the other one cave in to their will. They will nag, cajole, critisize, all to "be declared/proven RIGHT" until one of them finally dies...Some choose to stay but they sigh for their whole lives, rolling their eyes in the long suffering manner of the martyrs they see themselves as.
And then, there are others. There are those who see the realities of their spouse along with their own many faults in stark light too.
Somehow they see it all and yet, still, they choose to love. They choose to focus on the good, and to compliment it, and strongly favor it. As for the bad, and not so good, they learn to compensate, overlook, accept, or work around....they try hard to achieve their goal; to see their spouses as God sees them. Through His eyes...
I don't think this means we "learn" to accept what is truly UNacceptable.
God did not put us here to make us miserable. But I think the goal of marital love is to learn to see someone for all of who they really are, including their histories and pain, through His eyes. That does not always mean one stays married to a spouse. But it sure helps.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Very well said 25. I didnt think lawyers had that type of insight to love. Perhaps you missed your calling as a writer.
Truly awe inspiring .
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
