You know, rysmom, I have been reading all our posts, and one thing I have realized: You remind me of a somewhat long ago poster, contyankee. He seemed to be "stuck" in his situation, and no matter how much advice and tough love he got, he never got near a resolution. He seemed to want to remain stuck. Many tried with him to no avail, including myself and 25yearsmlc. Please listen to those who are giving you great advice here, obviously it's better than the counselor you had. We know you love and miss your H. We know how you feel about ow. We know you hate all the sinful things your H has been doing. But what can you do about any of it? If you want something from the Bible to read, then read Philippians 4:8. It helps to think on those things, rather than the things you hate, that keep the instability and resentment seething inside of you. Put that child of yours first. He needs you now more than ever, as he becomes a young adult. I will say that from my own experience, that putting my son ahead of everything, concentrating on his needs, made me come out of my depression, and made me able to look at the world around me, and see the things that were still good. Someone needed me, and that was so important, as your son needs you. No more discussing the sitch with him; he is a smart 17 yr old, and knows all about it. I think if I had dwelled on it with my son and kept him from moving forward to forgive his F, then maybe this year at his HS graduation, he would not be graduating with honors, because I could have held back HIS progress in his life. And my H, who unlike yours luckily for me, never left home, would never have stuck around a depressed negative lady who constantly ripped him a new one for all his sins, like my H's "secret" stash of porn downstairs. I know it's there, and one day when we are very old, and if he dies first, then I will burn it all, but until then, or until he gets saved, he can keep his sin down there where I don't have to see it. If you want to have any chance at all of getting him back, you have got to change yourself from the inside out. I know what he is doing is wrong, everyone does, especially him,but the constant recriminations aren't helping any more now than when you first posted. Please help yourself, go find another counselor. You could talk to a priest, but maybe they sometimes keep you stuck in the whole "sinful husband" zone. Be pleasant to your H always, no more negativity, you can't do a darn thing about who he is with, and you will alienate your S, by making it so difficult between them. Sorry, if I rambled on so long, and don't take what I say wrong; I do it out of love for a fellow poster who is suffering the way I was. I am still not 100% sure of my M, and my H, but I am pretty close to it at this moment, and being a more positive person really helps more than you know. vc
PS did you get that little book I told you about that you can carry around with you, and peek at the advice in it whenever you need it? It is small enough to put in your pocket or handbag, and it helped me so much. My preacher's wife suggested it to me. I still have it and I will keep it, and I scribbled in the blank spaces advice I got from other places. vc
